If your spouse admitted to you that they developed a crush on someone ten years younger than them after picking up tennis, how would you feel?
This 31-year-old woman and her 35-year-old husband are high school sweethearts, meaning they have shared so many special milestones with one another.
They have 2-year-old twins, both boys, and she has to say that she and her husband are pretty different. She loves staying inside, drawing, reading, and watching TV, while her husband prefers the great outdoors.
Because of their preferences, they do their hobbies alone and not together. Not too long ago, her husband was acting aloof and stressed out, so she said he should probably get back into tennis, since he loved it in his younger years.
He took her up on her suggestion and began playing with a group of people, including men and women, who hang out every other day. Her husband’s mood improved, and he was so much happier.
“One day, he confessed to me that he was attracted to one of the girls in the group (25F), and he suspected she was attracted to him too,” she explained.
“Obviously this was very hurtful to hear and experience, but he said he was committed to the relationship and our family, and we started counseling. However, over the last few weeks, things have gotten worse and worse. Every conversation makes us feel more distant from each other.”
“I feel anxious, and he feels like I treat him like he has committed a crime, when he has not done anything. He doesn’t want to quit the group because he really likes the community he has built there, and I don’t want to force him to do something he might resent me for, but I don’t know how to navigate this.”
Their sons are so little, and she would hate to ruin their family over tennis girl. But she’s doubting how much longer she can deal with the ambiguity.
The only acceptable solution here is for her husband to quit the group, but since he won’t, it’s like he’s leaving the door open or inviting something to happen with this younger girl. That’s even more likely since he’s confirmed she has feelings for him too.
He can say he’s committed to their marriage all he wants, but his actions aren’t proving that, and quite frankly, neither are his words if he’s telling her she’s treating him like a criminal when she has a right to feel deeply hurt by her husband’s confession.
He wants all the credit for his honesty, but none of the accountability, which is scary. He’s treating her like his safety net, and she shouldn’t put up with that.
What advice do you have for her?
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By Bre Avery Zacharski
Hi, I'm Bre, Chip Chick's CEO! I have a degree in Textile/Surface Design from The Fashion Institute of Technology, and... More about Bre Avery Zacharski
