Chip Chick
She no longer speaks to her terrible high school friends at all, and she’s attempted to get help in the form of therapy to regain some confidence in herself.
She has decent friends now, and she is more self-assured, but she keeps coming up with reasons why she can’t go out with guys on dates, and the reasons are the same ones she gave back in high school.
Once she finishes college, she knows she will have more time to have a dating life, but in the meantime, she’s not sure what the hold-up is for her since she could technically make the time for a guy if she really wanted to.
She simply can’t let herself have feelings for any guy she meets, and she’s holding herself back in that sense.
“I’m sure I like guys, but when the tiny little possibility I’m attracted to someone appears, I immediately try hard to block it out,” she said.
“The pattern usually is: I notice that someone is attracted to me, I give them space so we can talk and get to know each other, and… as soon as someone else notices and I start feeling pressured, I back out immediately and put up all my walls again, and the excuses start to show again.”
“Not to only friendzone them, I completely cut any relationship with them and I hate it, I hate it so much because I miss being friends with them too. Is unfair to them, I don’t want this.”
“I’m really worried. I’m worried because I don’t do this because I’m afraid. It’s because I’m literally terrified.”
“I’ve had anxiety attacks just thinking that, if someone finds out that a guy likes me, they’ll come and ruin everything, they will pressure me before I even sort my feelings out. And I didn’t even get to the point of liking one of them back, so… well, how do I stop my brain from being like this?”
She’s going to try therapy once more in an effort to work through this, though she’s wondering what she can do here and now to overcome her anxieties around guys and dating so she doesn’t end up alone.
“I’m getting worried that I might end up isolating myself from anyone that can possibly like me and I don’t want that,” she continued.
