Should You Ever Try To Loyalty Test Your Significant Other?
It Doesn’t Matter How Healthy Your Relationship Is; You Can Still Have Trust Issues
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No matter how healthy the relationship is, trust issues can still appear from time to time. We all have a past, and we all have baggage of some sort to deal with.
Your Attachment Style Can Even Impact How Trustful You Are
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Furthermore, your attachment style can create difficulty in giving complete trust to another person, no matter how much you love them. However, TikTok trends such as loyalty tests are not a great way to reassure yourself you can trust your partner.
Loyalty Tests Have Become Popular On Social Media
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So, what the heck is a loyalty test? A loyalty test tries to manipulate a situation and see if your partner will cheat or are open to cheating. This trend is blowing up on TikTok right now. A common loyalty test is having someone slide into the DMs or text a partner and try to flirt with them to see how they respond.
It Aims To See If Your Partner Will Shut Down Flirting Attempts
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This type of loyalty test aims to see if the partner will shut down the attempt or play along. However, if your partner attempts to escalate the flirting, sends dirty messages/pics, or attempts to meet up for an IRL date, this can mean they lack dedication and cannot be trusted.
Loyalty Tests Rarely End Well
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Loyalty checks do not end well most of the time. While they are trending on TikTok, they are not a new trend. Loyalty checks have been done for years with phone calls, texting, and even on TV shows.
If You Want To Loyalty Test Your Partner, Ask Yourself These Questions First
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So, if you have the desire to loyalty test your partner, there are a couple of things you need to think about before you make that choice. So, here are two things I want you to think about before you decide to loyalty test your partner.
#1: WHY Do You Want To Do A Loyalty Test?
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Whether you want to admit it or not, the desire to loyalty test your partner boils down to two things: a lack of trust and feeling insecure in the relationship. This lack of trust and insecurity can be from past relationships (family, lovers, etc.) or something to do with your current relationship.
Maybe you developed an anxious attachment style because your parents did not appropriately nurture you. Perhaps an ex was unfaithful. Maybe in the past, your current partner was unfaithful.
No matter the reason for the lack of trust and insecurity, the desire to loyalty test your partner stems from insecurity. Furthermore, a loyalty test won’t get to the root of the problem. It’s just a bandaid.
#2: Loyalty Tests Can Backfire
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Let’s say you go through with a loyalty test. There are three possible outcomes:
-First, you do the loyalty test, and they fail. You break up with them.
-You do the loyalty test, and they pass. You feel better for a while, but those feelings of insecurity pop up again eventually.
-You do the loyalty test, and they pass, but they feel manipulated that you would do that to them, and they leave you.
Now, you tell me what good loyalty tests are when these are the outcomes. There is no scenario where there is a good outcome. It is SUPER RARE that a loyalty test solves the insecurity and doesn’t end in your partner feeling embarrassed and manipulated. I’m not saying it can’t happen that way, but it is doubtful and not worth the risk.
What Should You Do Instead Of A Loyalty Test?
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DO NOT go behind your partner’s back to test their loyalty. If there is a reason you want to test their loyalty, open up and talk about those feelings. Talk with your partner about why you are struggling with insecurity and trust. If they are doing something to contribute to those feelings, they deserve to know and have the chance to meet your needs before you resort to manipulative tactics like a loyalty test.
If you struggle to communicate effectively with your partner, seek therapy or find a relationship coach to help you build those skills and deal with those feelings.
Is It Ever Okay To Do A Loyalty Test?
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In my opinion, no. If you feel the need to do a loyalty test, you either need to discuss those feelings with your partner like a mature adult, seek some therapy or relationship coaching, or leave the relationship. Loyalty tests cause more harm than good; at the end of the day, it is manipulation.
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