Her first experience with motherhood involved clinical trials, early intervention, and learning to live with a disability. But then her daughter showed up and made it all look effortless, and now she’s having a hard time working through her feelings about how different raising both of her kids is.
This woman has a two-year-old son who is disabled. The hospital where she gave birth was negligent, resulting in brain damage to her son at birth.
“He now has severe cerebral palsy and is disabled for life. It of course altered the course of our life, and the last two years we have been trying to seek [the] best possible care, early intervention, pediatric therapies, looking at clinical trials, etc.,” she explained.
“He’s our firstborn; we have loved him this whole time like we would if he didn’t have any challenges. I have been his champion and advocate, and he has truly been the light of my life.”
Two months ago, she welcomed her daughter into the world, and she has been blindsided by how simple it is to raise a child without a disability.
Her daughter is growing perfectly, she takes peaceful, long naps, and she doesn’t struggle to eat. She has never had a normal baby before, and so it’s really eye-opening to her how easy this all is.
For the first time, she doesn’t have to feel scared about missing more milestones, rushing to therapy appointments, or investing time in researching treatments and the experiences other parents have shared online that she can learn from.
She’s in awe of how her daughter is developing all on her own. She feels lucky to have her, but thinks that any normal baby would feel easy after what she’s encountered with her son.
“This is also making me have strange feelings towards my older boy, who I still love deeply. He has become a bit of an ‘afterthought,’ and I feel horribly guilty about it,” she added.
“I am enjoying my daughter so much, today I fleetingly wished she was my only child. And I feel horribly about it because before she came, I poured all my love into my older son.”
“He was the only child I had, and I loved and adored him and never thought less of him because of his disability. I don’t know how to process these new feelings now that my daughter is here.”
She absolutely still loves her son and will keep doing anything in her power to give him the best life possible. She’s just having a hard time bonding with her toddler now that she has a normal baby.
I think she needs to give herself some grace, especially since she’s freshly postpartum, and her feelings definitely are going to be everywhere.
It’s obvious to me that she loves both of her children, and it’s ok for her to appreciate how easy her daughter is while acknowledging how difficult her firstborn is.
She’s already dealing with so many tough topics that many moms are never faced with, and I think she’s almost grieving in a way over how much of a hardship she’s had with her son.
What advice do you have for her?
You can read the original post below.
Sign up for Chip Chick’s newsletter and get stories like this delivered to your inbox.
By Bre Avery Zacharski
Hi, I'm Bre, Chip Chick's CEO! I have a degree in Textile/Surface Design from The Fashion Institute of Technology, and... More about Bre Avery Zacharski
