Anxious Attachment Typically Forms Early In Childhood, And He’s A Wellness Coach Sharing How You Can Finally Heal Yourself From It
Research has identified four types of attachment styles—secure attachment, anxious attachment, avoidant attachment, and fearful-avoidant attachment. An attachment style is a specific pattern of behavior you display in relationships based on your levels of anxiety and avoidance.
It’s usually formed early in childhood as a response to the relationship you had with your primary caregiver. As an adult, your attachment style is thought to mirror the dynamic you had with your caregiver as a child.
A secure attachment is considered the healthy ideal for relationships. It refers to the ability to cultivate safe, stable relationships with others. People with secure attachment can trust others, set appropriate boundaries, and are not afraid of intimacy. They feel confident enough to have time away from their partners and take responsibility for their own mistakes.
The other types of attachment styles are known as insecure attachments. TikToker Mikah Jones (@beyondmikah) is explaining how you can heal your anxious attachment.
“People who are a secure attachment have a healthy relationship with their anxious attachment,” he began the video. “I see a lot of anxious attachments want to become secure attachments, but they identify really strongly with how much trauma they have, how triggered they are, and just how much healing they think they need to do.”
He added that a person with an anxious attachment is just more accustomed to cultivating anxiety than security in their relationships. If this is you, the fact is that trauma has taught you that anxiety is safer than a calm nervous system or someone who loves you unconditionally.
Then, he shared a helpful exercise you can do to achieve a secure attachment style. The trick is to treat your anxious attachment as a part of you. First, he set the scene with a hypothetical backstory.
“So, let’s say you’re in a relationship, and you haven’t heard from your partner in a few days. Or it’s been a few days since they’ve given you some reassurance that they love you, and you’re experiencing a lot of anxiety,” said Mikah.
“You’re texting them a lot, or maybe you’re getting resentful that your partner just doesn’t love you, and you’re showing all this love to them, and they just keep pushing you away.”
wavebreak3 – stock.adobe.com – illustrative purposes only, not the actual person
Personify the anxiety you’re feeling by envisioning a younger version of yourself. Take the time to zero in on how old you are, what you’re wearing, and what your posture looks like to get a really clear image of this version of yourself.
Now that you have this picture in your head, think of your current self as your secure attachment and have a conversation with the anxious you and the current you with the secure attachment. Ask yourself what you’re afraid of.
You will probably find that you’re deeply afraid of being alone or that no one will ever love you, which are common fears. Then, take a moment to figure out what your secure attachment would say to the anxious part of you. Talk about an amazing relationship you’re in and why you feel safe, loved, and secure in the relationship.
Let your anxious attachment know that you appreciate all the effort they put into cultivating your relationships but that now, you’re going to be the one in the driver’s seat.
“What you’ve just done is become friends with your anxious attachment, which you felt like this whole time has been sabotaging your relationships,” said Mikah.
“Now that you’re the driver, and you told them about where you’re trying to take this relationship, you’re in the most powerful seat possible to become the ideal partner you want to be and to completely shape the relationship you’re in,” he continued.
So, if you want to truly embody a secure attachment style, give the exercise a try!
@beyondmikah Healing your #anxiousattachment #secureattachment #consciousrelationships #healingtiktok #anxiousattachmentstyle
Sign up for Chip Chick’s newsletter and get stories like this delivered to your inbox.
More About:News