This 31-year-old woman has been married to her 40-year-old husband for two and a half years, and that’s how long she has also known her 8-year-old stepson.
From the beginning, she could tell there was something wrong with her stepson, but the first instance that really left her in shock was when her stepson drew a strange picture of his mom.
Her stepson was hardly 6-years-old when he made the drawing, which depicted his mom covered in a disordered pattern of black and red marker.
She asked her stepson what the red marker meant, and he said it was his mom’s blood from tons of tiny cuts.
Following this jarring incident, she witnessed her stepson put water on their staircase, hoping his sister would slip and fall down.
He was newly 6 at the time, and she was horrified that her stepson was concocting a plan to seriously injure someone at such a young age.
As the years went on, things escalated with her stepson, and whenever she attempted to discuss this with her husband, he shut down.
Her stepson is currently 8-years-old, and he slams dining room chairs around whenever he’s told his video games are being taken away as punishment for his bad behavior.
He also screams to no end, is violent and aggressive with everyone in their household, throws objects, and says things that make her sick to her stomach.
Her stepson is also regressing and beginning to act like a baby. Yesterday, her stepson was walking around their house with a water bottle, acting like it was actually a baby bottle.
Her stepson also used baby talk to her husband, which makes her leave the room because she finds it so creepy and upsetting.
“His speech is legitimately unintelligible when he’s in that mindset,” she explained. “Even his movements start mimicking toddler-like behavior.”
“I’ve told his therapist about it, but it never gets addressed, which is wild to me since that seems like a major red flag for trauma.”
“In fact, I am the only one out of two stepparents and two bio parents who sends visit-by-visit detailed updates on all the behavioral escalations from stepson’s time with us. His mother apparently tells the therapist that everything is fantastic at the other house, so my updates are, quote-unquote, “very helpful.”
Her stepson is only getting angrier, bigger, and scarier to her. His behavior is getting more disturbing by the day, and it’s ruining her marriage.
She eventually told her husband yesterday that if they can’t figure out new and better ways to tackle her stepson’s behavior, she’s going to have no choice but to end their marriage, as she’s concerned for her safety and her son’s safety.
She did inform her husband that she will only leave him if they can’t find a solution, and while he agrees they need a different approach for handling this boy, her husband feels she will never find satisfaction with any solution.
Her husband thinks she has already made up her mind about leaving him, so she probably should just end their marriage now.
Her stepson’s yelling and throwing objects are leaving her own son traumatized, and she no longer wants to live like this.
So, she feels she has no choice but to remove herself and her son from this situation if there can’t be a way out of this.
“I am about to leave my husband, whom I love, because there really isn’t much of a solution for what I believe to be a dangerous child with increasing anger and strength to act out that anger,” she said.
“I have no problem doing what’s best for me and my son, but my husband is reacting to this “ultimatum” as though I will never be satisfied with any solution and that there’s nothing more to be done. I think we’re both right — I’m right for wanting to work on this, and he’s right for thinking it might be unfixable.”
“I want to work on small, impactful steps forward like a new evaluation, talking to more specialized experts, etc., but in the past, when I’ve asked for these things, it blows up into a massive fight and gets turned on me for “making it all about me,” “compounding” my husband’s stress about it, or for “not having compassion for stepson” because “everyone is out to get him.”
Her stepson does have consistent access to medication and a therapist, but that’s only because she was the one who pushed super hard for this.
It’s difficult for her to watch things spiral out of control since, as a stepmom, she has no guardianship or rights, so she has to rely on her husband or his ex-wife to step up and do things.
Sadly, her husband and his ex really don’t want to get her stepson the help he needs, and they resist her suggestions every step of the way.
What advice do you have for her; do you think this is solvable, or do you think she should walk away now before things get worse?
You can read the original post on Reddit here.
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By Bre Avery Zacharski
Hi, I'm Bre, Chip Chick's CEO! I have a degree in Textile/Surface Design from The Fashion Institute of Technology, and... More about Bre Avery Zacharski
