She’s A Lawyer Breaking Down The Real Differences Between Preferences And Boundaries In Relationships
Elica Le Bon (@elica_in_america) is a lawyer, and she’s breaking down the difference between preferences and boundaries in relationships after the controversy surrounding actress and singer Keke Palmer’s attire.
Keke Palmer was seen wearing a sheer, tight-fitting dress at an Usher concert in a photo posted to social media. The father of her child, Darius Jackson, commented on the post, saying, “It’s the outfit tho…you a mom.”
Jackson’s comment stirred up a storm on the internet, with many people rushing to defend her while some others seemed to be confused about what he did wrong.
A Twitter user named Derenic Byrd (@DerenicByrd) wrote, “Keke Palmer’s baby daddy tried to set boundaries publicly–he’s wrong. Jonah Hill tried to set boundaries privately–he’s wrong. How should men set boundaries ladies, we’re listening.”
In response to his tweet, Le Bon took to TikTok to clear things up. First, she dives into the definition of what a boundary is, stating that “Personal boundaries are the limits and rules we set for ourselves in relationships.”
She further explains that boundaries are related to things we are willing to accept and behaviors that we’re willing to receive from other people and do for other people.
Boundaries are different from preferences. A preference has to do with the type of person you’re looking for, regarding things like hair color, eye color, race, and religion. It’s essential to distinguish a boundary from a preference.
“A boundary is typically something that is considered quite sacred. It is something that we are required to honor. So when you elevate a preference to a boundary, you’re basically weaponizing the boundary…” said Le Bon.
Boundaries come with a degree of authority and respect. When you’re establishing a preference as a boundary, you require the other person to obey a personal desire as if it were a rule.
snedorez – stock.adobe.com – illustrative purposes only, not the actual person
Le Bon clarifies that everyone is allowed to have their own preferences, and there’s nothing wrong with that.
But in this case, Jackson brought his concerns/preferences onto a public platform, inviting the internet into what should’ve been a private discussion.
Furthermore, he communicated his preference as a form of control rather than a dealbreaker. When you express your preference as a form of control, you’re deliberately trying to shame the person for what they’re doing so that they comply with your preference. And that is not what boundaries are about.
https://www.tiktok.com/@elica_in_america/video/7253989499577830699
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