There are millions of couples worldwide who wish to start a family but simply cannot due to infertility issues that they can’t change.
So, how would you feel if your own husband willingly put his fertility at risk and wasted your time on fruitless attempts to have a baby?
That’s the devastating situation this 30-year-old woman has found herself in. To set the scene, she and her husband, who is currently 37, first met when they were 21 and 27, respectively.
They’ve stayed together since then, and over 15 years ago, her husband began bodybuilding. And due to her being admittedly “young” and “naive,” she believed him when he swore that his chiseled physique was totally natural.
Apparently, she only ever asked if her husband used performance-enhancing drugs because some of her male friends regularly inquired about it.
At first, her husband always denied ever taking anything, too. Then, as the years went on, his story changed, and he confessed to using testosterone in the past but claimed he was all “natural” afterward.
“I distinctly remember telling him I am massively against drugs, and if he ever went back on it, and it affects us having a baby, then I would never forgive him,” she recalled.
Sadly, that’s exactly what happened. While cleaning out their apartment last December, she stumbled upon testosterone. Still, she didn’t jump to conclusions, because her husband is a bit of a “hoarder” and she thought it might’ve been an old dose.
So, she concocted a plan, hiding the testosterone in her sock drawer without saying a peep to her husband. It only took him 48 hours to angrily confront her, and at that moment, it became clear that he’d returned to using the drug behind her back.
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“I gave him an ultimatum. Me or the testosterone,” she explained.
“We were set to get married in the summer. He promised he wouldn’t take it again. He promised my parents, too.”
She believed him as well, and their wedding went off without a hitch. Then, after tying the knot, they quickly set their sights on having children. According to her, her husband was even more enthusiastic about the idea than she was.
But despite all their efforts, she never became pregnant, and eventually, they decided to get fertility tests. The results finally came in about a week ago, and thankfully, she passed with flying colors.
It was her husband’s test results that were worrying. It turned out that he was entirely infertile, and the doctor point-blank asked whether he was taking testosterone.
In response, her husband said the last time he used the drug was one year ago, but that only made the doctor more concerned. They learned that fertility is supposed to recover within three to four months of testosterone usage, meaning something else might be wrong, and her husband needed to undergo a ton more tests.
“My first reaction was to comfort, obviously. But when he heard three to four months, my husband seemed less deflated than he had when he first heard the results,” she observed.
That’s why, once they left the doctor’s office, she confronted her husband again, asking whether it had really been 12 months since he took testosterone. Spoiler alert: he wound up admitting to using it only two weeks prior!
She’s understandably livid that her husband lied to her and wasted her time while she thought they were potentially starting a family. Moreover, she’s furious that he risked his own health, their potential baby’s health, and their future as parents altogether.
Nonetheless, her husband is actually angry with her for being unsupportive and has accused her of being unreasonable!
“He thinks I should be focused on resolving the issue rather than the ‘why.’ That I married him knowing his history, so I should be okay with it. He’s making me doubt myself,” she vented.
Now, she’s been left questioning whether feeling enraged at her husband for lying and putting their ability to have children at risk is really so ridiculous or not.
Is it her fault that she married someone who repeatedly lied to her? Or should she have been able to trust that her husband would stand by his word? What would you do in her shoes? Might this situation be grounds for divorce?
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By Katharina Buczek
Katharina Buczek graduated from Stony Brook University with a degree in Journalism and a minor in Digital Arts. Specializing in... More about Katharina Buczek
