At some point, absence stops being accidental and starts being a pattern. One missed event is understandable. Two is a coincidence.
But when someone has a reason they can’t make it to every single important moment of your life, you start to realize you’re simply not important to them. She figured that out a long time ago, and her college graduation was the moment she finally could do something about it.
This 22-year-old woman graduated from college a week ago, and she worked her heart out to achieve that. She’s the first member of her family to earn a college degree, making the accomplishment all the more special.
She had to work part-time, take out loans, and stay up all night on multiple occasions in order to pull off that degree. And when it came time to walk across that stage and accept her diploma, she invited her most cherished loved ones, yet intentionally excluded her stepmom.
Now, her mom passed away back when she was six, and two years later, her dad married her stepmom. Yes, her stepmom helped raise her in that she cooked her food and gave her rides. But when it came to her important events, her stepmom always had an excuse for why she couldn’t show up.
“She missed my middle school graduation because she had a work dinner. She skipped my high school play because her sister was visiting,” she explained.
“She did not come to my birthday dinner because she was not feeling well, but posted photos out with friends that same night. My dad usually came alone. Made excuses for my stepmom. After a while, I just stopped expecting my stepmom to show up.”
Circling back to her college graduation, there was a limited number of tickets students could get, so she received four. She gave one to her dad, one to her best friend, who has been her rock, and two to her grandparents.
She didn’t give one to her stepmom, and she didn’t announce that she wasn’t invited to graduation. A week before her graduation ceremony, her stepmom figured out she had to stay home after her dad brought up their travel itinerary.
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Her stepmom instantly confronted her and said she’s been her stepmom for the majority of her life. She expressed shock over being banned from a monumental event.
“I told my stepmom honestly that she has missed most of my moments, so I assumed this one would not matter to my stepmom either,” she continued.
“Now my dad says I was cruel and that I embarrassed my stepmom. My dad thinks I should have invited my stepmom regardless because she did her best.”
“My stepmom has not spoken to me since the ceremony. Part of me feels justified. Another part of me wonders if I held onto old resentment instead of being the bigger person.”
She’s left wondering if she was a jerk to exclude her stepmom after all.
Well, her stepmom was the one who set the tone by acting like she couldn’t be bothered to show up for her, so no, I don’t think it was wrong to assume her stepmom wouldn’t care about her graduation ceremony.
You can’t fail to show up for people, then get mad that they expected you to keep acting that way. Her stepmom has done nothing but make her believe she’s not important, so why waste a valuable ticket on her?
What do you think?
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By Bre Avery Zacharski
Hi, I'm Bre, Chip Chick's CEO! I have a degree in Textile/Surface Design from The Fashion Institute of Technology, and... More about Bre Avery Zacharski
