It’s pretty fair to decide for yourself whether or not you are interested in dating a parent, because they’re a package deal with their kids, no matter what.
So how would you feel if your new partner learned that their ex is pregnant with their baby and planning to keep the kid, even though you’re childfree?
For the last four months, this 28-year-old woman has been dating her 28-year-old boyfriend. They met online initially, and when they saw one another in real life, she says it was like she knew he was the man she had spent her whole life looking for.
Her boyfriend genuinely is everything she could hope to have in a partner and then some. He’s hilarious, creative, sweet, and thoughtful.
“We are very aligned in what we want our lives to look like down the road, and we’ve already started planning for that future together,” she explained.
“About 3 weeks ago, he got a message from a girl he was seeing before he was with me, and she asked him to give her a call. They were never in a relationship, just hanging out and sleeping together.”
“Turns out she’s 5 months pregnant with his child, has a new partner, and is moving 20+ hours away. She says she wasn’t even really planning on telling him, and doesnt need him or anything from him, but was just telling him to clear her conscience.”
Apparently, her boyfriend and his ex already had one pregnancy scare back when they were together, and he was adamant about not wanting to be a dad at his age.
His ex thought she was fine, and then after she met her boyfriend and they rushed to be exclusive, he and his ex quit talking completely.
Only then did his ex learn that she was pregnant, and she figured that since her boyfriend stated he didn’t want to have a kid, the best thing to do was not tell him and keep the baby.
“They had a conversation where she said she will just tell everyone she got a…donor, and if he wanted to be a part of their son’s life, it would be just as a friend of hers,” she added.
“After more talking, they are leaning more towards him having their son over the summers and different holidays (he is in the military, so he isn’t able to up and move to be close to his son).”
“Do I blame this woman, or am I mad at her? Absolutely not, the whole situation is crazy, and I can understand her hesitation in telling him, so please no slander for her. The issue here is that I was VERY specific while dating that I did not want to date someone with children.”
She used to date a guy with a young child, and it made their relationship unstable. She didn’t like the limitations that came along with dating a dad, and she didn’t feel free.
She doesn’t have any kids, and she loves that for herself, because she’s not tied down and can do what she wants. So, because that relationship left her with a bad taste in her mouth, she wants to run far, far away from her boyfriend now that he’s going to be a dad.
She’s left wondering if it’s worth staying with him and attempting to sort this out, which would mean sacrificing her needs and wants.
Her boyfriend is literally perfect and found himself in an impossible situation. It is stressing her out that she is making a choice about her own future based on hypotheticals, since she can’t tell what everything will look like after the baby is born.
“What happens if she moves back into the area? Will it go from just having his son over the summer to a 50/50 split custody? She says she doesnt want any financial help, but what if that changes and we now have the financial burden of child support?” she wondered.
“I struggle INCREDIBLY with instability and uncertainty, so this is pretty much my worst nightmare. I truly want to make things work with him, but I’m scared I’m going to give up so much of myself just to make it work that I won’t recognize myself.”
“I’ve done that before, and I’m scared I’ll fall back into that. How can we make this work? What conversation needs to be had to figure it all out?”
Well, as she said, she is basing things on pure speculation, which is really difficult to do. Her boyfriend’s ex could move back to their area and want him to assume more custody or step up more as a dad.
Her boyfriend’s ex could put him on the hook for child support despite saying she doesn’t need his money. Her boyfriend is going to have to be involved in his kid’s life in some way, which means he is going to be a dad, and she said she’s not interested in dating a parent.
I think the fact that there’s a baby about to be in the picture means she and her boyfriend are no longer compatible. She is only going to grow to resent him or his child, and I’m not sure which is worse.
What advice do you have for her?
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By Bre Avery Zacharski
Hi, I'm Bre, Chip Chick's CEO! I have a degree in Textile/Surface Design from The Fashion Institute of Technology, and... More about Bre Avery Zacharski
