Falling in love can absolutely feel more like a job interview than a love story. We’re often reminded to prioritize a meaningful life partner over a fling and to never settle.
It is all sound advice, in theory. But is there such a thing as deciding too soon that someone isn’t your forever person, and is it possible to get too stuck on a checklist before you’ve even given someone a real chance?
This 27-year-old woman went out on a couple of dates with a 38-year-old guy. Everything was wonderful, and he said he liked her before she talked about her feelings.
He pursued her and confessed to having a huge crush on her. She truly believed that they had a genuine connection, even though they were still becoming acquainted.
“Out of nowhere, he ended things. His reason was that he’s ‘dating intentionally’ and wants someone whose future aligns with his, specifically around kids,” she explained.
“I told him I’m not against having kids. I’m just not 100% certain yet. I said I’m still figuring it out, which I feel is normal. He basically said he’s trying to trust his gut and doesn’t want to invest in something that might not align long-term.”
“I get the idea of dating intentionally, but at the same time…it feels really premature to make that call after only a few dates. Like, we barely know each other. It honestly came across to me like an excuse or an easy way out.”
She’s left feeling completely upset and puzzled, and she thinks there’s more to the story than what this man told her.
Well, I don’t see anything wrong with what he did, although I can understand why she’s feeling disappointed. The thing is, they have an 11-year age gap, which means something when it comes down to starting a family.
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She still has plenty of time to decide if she wants to be a mom, but I’ll bet anything this man doesn’t feel the same way, and his biological clock is ticking.
Dating isn’t just about the chemistry or the sparks; it’s also about making sure you align on your life plans, and they simply aren’t if he’s all in on kids and she’s not positive about them.
There’s nothing problematic about this man realizing that he doesn’t want to spend any more of his time waiting for her to see if they ultimately will want the same things.
At the end of the day, kids are clearly a dealbreaker for him, and she can’t fault him for that. He is out there dating with intention; he made that crystal-clear, and she’s not the best fit for him since she has not yet made up her mind about kids.
By Bre Avery Zacharski
Hi, I'm Bre, Chip Chick's CEO! I have a degree in Textile/Surface Design from The Fashion Institute of Technology, and... More about Bre Avery Zacharski
