Amicable co-parenting is a goal for many divorced couples, but it shouldn’t mean an ex treats a previously shared home like a 24-hour convenience store. If you found out your partner’s ex walked into your kitchen and helped themselves to your groceries, how would you feel?
This 44-year-old woman spent 24 years with her ex-husband and had three kids with him. Two years ago, they got separated, and last year, their divorce was finalized.
They still coparent amazingly well. They spend every holiday together with their kids. They communicate clearly. She did know that her ex-husband was seeing a girl, but she had no idea he was serious about her.
But then this girl moved into the house that she used to call home with her ex, and this girl is 15 years younger than her.
“I didn’t want this. I don’t understand how the charming man that I met in college isn’t going to grow old alongside me. I hate that looking back at this situation, I realize I’m being the bitter ex-wife,” she explained.
She was aware that her ex’s new girlfriend, Marjorie, had met their children, since he had asked her to approve of it before it occurred. But what irritates her is that her husband moved this girl in, and now she’s around their kids for half of their lives.
“This is the home we picked out together. Our ‘adult’ home, [which] we were so proud of. I picked the wall color,” she added.
Recently, she had the kids, and her son forgot something back at her ex’s house, so she texted him asking if she could let herself inside to get that item.
While she was inside her ex’s house, she noticed there were overripe bananas sitting out on the kitchen counter. Usually, her daughter likes to bring bananas to her house so she can make muffins for her.
Sign up for Chip Chick’s newsletter and get stories like this delivered to your inbox.
Without thinking, she grabbed the bananas and took them home with her. Her ex texted her a bit later, asking her if she had taken any bananas from the counter since Marjorie was looking for them.
She texted her ex a photo of the banana muffins she had in the oven and mentioned she was making them for their daughter, which didn’t go over well.
“He spouted off that Marjorie has a micro-bakery and someone had ordered a banana cake. She actually had to get these from the neighborhood Facebook group and pay for them,” she said.
“I reached out to her directly and apologized, I offered her my banana bread recipe that takes banana pudding rather than actual banana, and she was polite but… A hint of irritated. She said she understands it was a misstep, but she still needs ripened bananas today.”
“I messaged my ex again to let him know I reached out to her, and he is persistent that they need [to be] replaced. I feel like my nose is being rubbed in my mistake. I feel embarrassed. I reacted poorly to this and weaponized our daughter. I said to him that baking muffins for her is more important to me than pleasing his new girlfriend.”
“I have plenty of friends who are divorced, and their exes [have] girlfriends. These girls want the ex-wives/mothers of the children’s approval so badly! She could not care less about how I feel regarding her. She doesn’t care to impress me or have a relationship with me. This isn’t how my life was supposed to look at 44.”
On the surface, getting into a blowout over bananas is the height of pettiness, but I think the real problem underneath it all is that she still feels entitled to being in that house, since it used to be hers.
It’s very rude to walk into a home and take things that aren’t yours, and she has to know that on some level. Her ex and Marjorie handled the banana incident in a reasonable way, while she’s the one who made it all strange.
Also, Marjorie isn’t required to kiss up to her and get her approval, but I think the fact that she isn’t is making her spiral even harder.
She really needs to be more respectful, and she should have had her son go back into her ex’s house to get what he forgot while she waited in the car for him.
What advice do you have for her?
You can read the original post below.
By Bre Avery Zacharski
Hi, I'm Bre, Chip Chick's CEO! I have a degree in Textile/Surface Design from The Fashion Institute of Technology, and... More about Bre Avery Zacharski
