If you found out that your spouse took their attractive coworker on a date, and also had been secretly messaging that person, what would you do?
Last year, this woman, her husband, and their daughter moved to a different country, and things have been going well following their relocation.
She honestly thought that they were all happy with their new lives, but a couple of nights ago, everything changed. She was on her husband’s phone, doomscrolling on Instagram while she was waiting for her own phone to finish charging.
She then opened up the second account her husband has, where he strictly posts videos of himself going to the gym. In there, she noticed his gorgeous female coworker had sent him a DM, so she opened it up.
“What immediately stood out to me was that he had her conversation on silent mode, so her messages wouldn’t pop up on his phone,” she explained.
“I opened the chat. They were talking about the coffee they had earlier…together. I checked his Starbucks app, and sure enough, he had paid for two coffees during his lunch break that day.”
“What hurts even more is remembering that, on the day he messaged her, we were watching our favorite series together. He suddenly got up and said he was going to the bathroom. Looking back now, I’m almost certain he went there just to message her.”
She did confront her husband over taking his female coworker on a date, and he confessed that he was entertaining his coworker before adding that yes, he did go on a date with her.
He promised to quit speaking to his coworker and mentioned that they hadn’t done anything except go on the date. She thinks he’s only going to stop what he’s doing because she caught him.
If she hadn’t come across the messages, she’s convinced her husband would have kept on pursuing his coworker. She feels numb, and she never imagined her husband doing something like this.
She doesn’t see how she can trust her husband ever again. Now, he’s always been pretty flirty, but she worries that moving to a new country and being surrounded by his foreign coworkers has somehow gone to her husband’s head.
“Maybe he liked the attention. I honestly don’t know. What makes this even harder is that we have a daughter together. My heart breaks for her more than for myself,” she added.
“I’m also a SAHM, I’m thousands of miles away from my family in a foreign country, and I feel so trapped. Part of me just wants to go home, but it’s not that simple.”
“My question is… does it ever get better? Has anyone been able to rebuild trust after something like this? Do people who emotionally cheat actually change, or do they just get better at hiding it? I don’t know if I’ll ever be the same again.”
This was totally a date, not two coworkers grabbing coffee together, which wouldn’t have been a problem if that was the vibe. Her husband’s intentions and how secretive he is do come down to this being classified as cheating.
If she has any hopes of saving her marriage, she needs to tell her husband that if he contacts his coworker again or takes her on another date, they’re done.
How her husband chooses to react will tell her a lot about his remorse and ability to fix this. If he gets defensive, she knows this is over, but if he actually puts in the work to rebuild trust, this might just be solvable.
What advice do you have for her?
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By Bre Avery Zacharski
Hi, I'm Bre, Chip Chick's CEO! I have a degree in Textile/Surface Design from The Fashion Institute of Technology, and... More about Bre Avery Zacharski
