If you found yourself still living with your ex after your marriage crumbled, would you think you had a right to move on, even if that meant giving them a front row seat to it?
This 30-year-old man lives in Europe, and his 30-year-old ex-wife is from South America. She moved to another country for him, which he acknowledges was an enormous sacrifice on her part, and that is why he’s carrying around a lot of guilt for their marriage coming to an end.
They were only married for a year, but it was pretty horrible, due to them being polar opposites. He’s an introvert who values independence, quiet, and his alone time. His ex-wife thrives on quality time, closeness, attention, and reassurance.
“For months, we had the same cycle: she wanted more discussion and connection, and I wanted distance and silence. We had already been talking about breaking up for around 6 months, so this was not sudden,” he explained.
“Mentally, I had checked out long before it became official. The problem is that even after the breakup, we still live in the same apartment. I’m the only one on the lease, but she still lives there because she can’t easily move out yet.”
Regardless of ending their marriage, his ex-wife loves to fight with him for hours on end about issues they had in their time spent together.
Her favorite sport is talking about all of the mistakes he made at the start of their romance. It’s so pointless to him that she cannot move on.
Anyway, he got on some dating apps, not really trying to find a commitment or connection. He was looking for validation and distraction, hoping he wouldn’t spend forever alone.
Two months after splitting up with his ex-wife, he hung out with a girl he used to date 7 years ago, who now lives in his city. They didn’t do anything, but they did have a chat for closure, as they kept running into one another, and he didn’t want things to be uncomfortable.
“My ex found out because she was apparently still logged into my Instagram account without me knowing. She saw who I followed, and then everything exploded,” he added.
“She accused me of talking to everyone, hooking up with anyone, and having no ethics or respect. She said things like, ‘I’ll make your life [a nightmare].'”
“She has thrown my things off my desk, tried to take my phone by force, and I ended up with scratches on my arms that I had documented at the hospital. This also wasn’t the first time she crossed a line. In previous fights, she has locked the apartment, hidden the key, stopped me from leaving, taken my phone, and once poured water in my face.”
His ex-wife also had too much to drink and made him think that she was going to jump out of their window, so he had to call for help.
He can sit here and admit that he is not a perfect man. He can see how being on dating apps while living with his ex-wife caused her pain and suffering.
Additionally, he was distant emotionally from his ex-wife for quite a while in their marriage, and he could have dealt with things in a better way.
“But at the same time, I also feel like once the relationship is over, I shouldn’t have to freeze my life completely for an unknown amount of time just because we are still stuck under the same roof,” he continued.
“So, [am I the jerk] for being on dating apps and meeting an old ex for closure after the relationship ended, even though my ex still lives with me?”
He did not get his priorities straight here, as getting his ex-wife out of his house should have been step one before signing up for dating apps.
He can’t go in reverse, but he can go forward and work on making that happen, no matter what, and even if that means spending money on a plane ticket for her to go home.
Her behavior is alarming, and I’m worried for his safety, since his ex-wife is comfortable putting her hands on him. He needs to give his ex-wife a deadline to move out and eliminate his time spent at home in the meantime.
What do you think?
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By Bre Avery Zacharski
Hi, I'm Bre, Chip Chick's CEO! I have a degree in Textile/Surface Design from The Fashion Institute of Technology, and... More about Bre Avery Zacharski
