There really are only so many times your parent can wrong you before you’re done dealing with them. So how would you feel if your mom abandoned you, let CPS take you away from your dad, started another family, and then walked back into your life years later?
This 22-year-old girl was only 5 when her 42-year-old mom abandoned her. Her mom and dad were not in a relationship anymore when her mom walked out of her life.
One morning, her mom got up extremely early, carried her out to the car because she was still fast asleep, and drove her to her dad’s house to dump her off.
“I woke up as she was beating and kicking his door until he answered, and she yelled something at him, and then told me to get out of her car and make sure I had everything she packed. There were like two bags, and that was it. I didn’t see her again for 16 years,” she explained.
For several years after her mom left her with her dad, things were great. Though when she was 9, her dad was no longer acting normally, and instead, his behavior was unstable.
Her mom’s parents reached out to her mom to tell her what was happening, and her mom didn’t step in to help. Her grandparents then turned to CPS, and by the time she was 14, they got involved.
By then, her dad was incredibly unsafe for her to be around. CPS got a hold of her mom, who didn’t want anything to do with her, so custody was granted to her grandparents.
Three years ago, her dad died. She never did get to the bottom of why he got so sick out of the blue, but he changed so much, and not for the better. Then, in February, her mom picked up her brand-new family to move near her grandparents.
“My mom had a whole do-over family with a husband (40s/50s) and some kids, but I’m not sure how many she has exactly. My grandparents told her she didn’t get to just get to reappear like nothing happened and have everything be okay between them,” she added.
“They pointed out her abandoning me twice and showing no concern for my safety. She told them she was planning to make amends with me, but that she needed their help.”
“They told her they would need to speak to me first, and I told them I had some questions for mom, so I’d meet her once. My mom gave me no answers for why she left or showed no care. She was not very believable when she told me it was the most difficult decision ever.”
She does suppose that her mom regrets ruining their relationship because she’s not willing to have any type of connection to her mom or her new family.
She gets that her half-siblings had nothing to do with her mom’s decision, but that doesn’t make her want to change her mind about her mom. She has seen her mom two more times since that initial meeting, and not because she wanted to.
On each occasion, her mom dropped by her grandparents’ house without giving them a warning. She doesn’t live with her grandparents anymore, and her mom has been trying to coerce her into having a relationship, but she hasn’t given in to her.
Her mom even got caught attempting to use her grandma’s phone to call her, but her grandma put a stop to that.
“She sent me a social media DM last week that radiated with anger, where she called me out for refusing to have a relationship with her do-over family. She also requested we sit down and talk without my grandparents next time,” she continued.
“I don’t want to do this, but I’m not sure if my grandparents will have her around because of their other grandchildren. So I’m not sure how to go forward. My grandparents seem torn enough that I don’t want to add more stress on them.”
She will never, ever have a relationship with her mom, and she’s concerned about that impacting her grandparents.
I think she needs to block her mom permanently and tell her grandparents not to tip her mom off when she visits them. She can also ask her grandparents to meet her outside their house to help keep her mom away. I doubt her mom would want to make a scene in public.
Her mom is a deeply selfish person, and I wonder if her new family is asking her questions or seeing her for who she really is, which is why she’s trying to kickstart a relationship.
What advice do you have for her?
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By Bre Avery Zacharski
Hi, I'm Bre, Chip Chick's CEO! I have a degree in Textile/Surface Design from The Fashion Institute of Technology, and... More about Bre Avery Zacharski
