If you were married to someone who evidently didn’t accept you for who you are and excluded you over it, would you want to still be with them?
This 31-year-old man tied the knot with his 35-year-old wife, Sarah, a couple of years ago. They have been together for close to seven years and have two kids.
His mom passed away, so he no longer has family members in their area, but Sarah’s loved ones all live there.
“The problem is that her mom has never accepted me because I’m transgender (FTM). She made that clear from the very beginning,” he explained.
“Because of that, I’m regularly excluded from family gatherings. I’m not invited to Thanksgiving, Christmas, family dinners, birthdays, or other events. Instead, my wife and our kids are invited while I’m expected to stay home.”
“What hurts the most is that Sarah doesn’t really stand up for me. She might mention it once, but if her mom says no, that’s the end of the conversation. She still takes the kids and goes anyway. She has never drawn a boundary by saying, ‘We’re a family. If my husband isn’t welcome, then none of us are coming.'”
His kids have told Sarah they want him to be included, but still, that hasn’t swayed Sarah at all, and she keeps on attending gatherings without him.
Over the weekend, Sarah’s mom and Sarah’s sister wanted to spend time with their kids. Sarah’s mom made it clear that he was not allowed to come to their house.
Sarah’s mom justified excluding him by insisting that her boyfriend would potentially be there, and he doesn’t like that he is transgender.
They always come up with excuses to keep him home alone, and it’s because they’re all embarrassed by who he genuinely is.
He’s not trying to make people invite him over, but it’s distressing to him that Sarah keeps on going along with this and acting like everything is fine.
“Every holiday and family event, I’m left sitting at home by myself while my wife and kids go celebrate with people who openly discriminate against me. I can’t imagine allowing my spouse to be treated this way,” he added.
If the roles were reversed, he would not condone his family treating Sarah like this. He would make his family show Sarah respect or stop hanging out with them.
“Instead, I feel like I’m constantly being told that keeping the peace with her mom is more important than standing beside her husband,” he continued.
He has attempted to demonstrate to Sarah that she is secluding him and causing him pain, considering he no longer has a family of his own.
He wanted to gain loved ones through his marriage, but his in-laws always throw it in his face that he will never be accepted or a part of their family.
“So…[am I the jerk] for feeling hurt and believing my wife should stand up for me instead of continuing to attend family gatherings that I’m excluded from simply because I’m transgender?” he wondered.
Wow, why is he still married to Sarah? I think she’s ultimately humiliated by him, too, not just her family, or she would be standing up for him.
This is such an enormous issue, and Sarah is teaching their children that it’s ok to discriminate against or embarrass anyone who is different from you. How damaging all the way around.
I am shocked that he allowed Sarah to treat him like this for what I think is seven years. After all, he did say that’s how long they have been together, and that Sarah’s mom has hated him from the start. So, so sad.
What advice do you have for him?
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By Bre Avery Zacharski
Hi, I'm Bre, Chip Chick's CEO! I have a degree in Textile/Surface Design from The Fashion Institute of Technology, and... More about Bre Avery Zacharski
