This 19-year-old woman and her boyfriend, 19, have been dating for two years, and so far, she thinks their relationship has been wonderful. For the first year, she believed that they were experiencing the honeymoon phase, so everything was essentially perfect in her eyes.
Nine months ago, she moved into the house her boyfriend’s father owns. His father lives in a separate house in the backyard of the one she and her boyfriend are living in. At the beginning of this living situation, she was elated and felt like it was what she always wanted. The two of them spent all their free time with each other.
“I’d make him his favorite meals, and he’d make mine. About five months after I had moved in, he started to get a little snaky and defensive, more often than usual. I brushed it off as the basic ‘spending too much time together’ and started staying at my friends’ houses more. On his days off from work, I’d make an effort to go shopping and have a coffee with my girlfriends,” she said.
Her goal with this was to give her boyfriend some space and time to himself. That way, when she returned home, there was more of a likelihood that her boyfriend would be in a better mood and rejuvenated. This seemed to be an effective strategy for around two months.
Recently, though, she’s noticed that it no longer seems to be helping their relationship. Even before she moved in with her boyfriend, she always helped out and did a lot of housework for him.
“I always made an effort to do the dishes, clean the washing, and keep the room clean and tidy (relevant). He would always say that I do too much for him and that I shouldn’t have to worry about all of that stuff,” she explained.
Six months ago, she accepted an amazing job opportunity. The pay was impressive, and she was going to be working 40 to 45 hours a week. This is her first full-time job, and in the past, she’s worked part-time positions at about 10 to 15 hours a week at the max.
Understandably, she’s had to adjust to this new job, and it’s taken a bit of a toll on her physically. She has had to grow more accustomed to working 9-5, five days a week. But even though she’s working a lot more and is often exhausted, she still puts aside time every day to do housework.
She still organizes and cleans the house, and sometimes, she still cooks for herself and her boyfriend, even though she’s worn out. Over these last six months, she’s become overwhelmed trying to do most of the housework while working full-time.
“I’m always doing a load of washing and dishes every day, and ever since I started my job, he keeps criticizing me, telling me I’m not doing it good enough or, if I forget to swap the washing to the dryer, I’m ‘lazy,'” she shared.
Plus, on nights when she does some self-care and carves out time for relaxing and unwinding, her boyfriend shames her and says she’s only doing this because she doesn’t think she should be expected to help him out with the housework.
She’s wondering if this is something a lot of men do. While she has never suspected that he’s cheated on her, she doesn’t know why he’s been speaking to her this way recently. Understandably, she’s worried about this sudden shift, and she doesn’t know what to do. It’s been negatively affecting her mental health, and she doesn’t know if there is any truth to her boyfriend’s words.
What advice would you give her?
You can read the original post on Reddit here.
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