One of the hardest places to find yourself when it comes to dating and love is being in an on-again, off-again relationship.
Being in an on-again, off-again relationship with someone is like living with emotional whiplash 24/7. During one month, you think they’re the love of your life, and you see yourself spending the rest of your days with them. Then, another month, you’re ready to end things and try to move on.
There are so many reasons why you may find yourself in an on-again, off-again relationship. You may find yourself constantly getting back with this person because of your history, compatibility, dependency on them, attraction to them, etc.
While it’s not uncommon to break up with someone and get back together again, doing it several times and entering a vicious on-and-off cycle can be bad for your mental health and development as a person.
Sometimes, on-again, off-again relationships reach a place where each person finally feels settled and decides to stay together. However, a lot of the time, people keep putting themselves through the process even though they’re not even that happy when they are with the other person anymore.
If you’ve been in an on-again, off-again relationship and aren’t getting any more satisfaction from being with that person, here are some tips for finally putting an end to the cycle once and for all.
Tell them what you want
Sit your partner down and tell them everything you want out of a relationship they haven’t been doing for you. Explain that you want something more concrete or are tired of going back and forth all the time.
This is important as your partner may have figured you were fine with the lack of consistency, and they should know your reasons for wanting to end things.
Cut off contact
To truly heal and resist the burning urge to reach back out to your ex-partner or go back to them, you need to cut off contact. Let them know you need space to heal, and that means not texting or calling them.
Do whatever you need to do to truly cut contact, whether that be by deleting their number, unfollowing them on social media, etc.
One of the main reasons why people get stuck in on-again, off-again relationships is they can’t resist the urge to reach out to their ex after trying to break things off with them. Resisting that urge is key!
Consider seeking counseling
Officially breaking up with the person you’ve been on and off with can be devastating, no matter how ‘done’ you felt with the relationship toward the end. The realization that you’re really ending things with them can feel heavy and practically traumatizing.
You’ll likely feel a whole range of emotions, so to process everything, it’s not a bad idea to talk to a therapist or counselor about what you’re going through.
Remember, taking care of your mental health during a breakup is crucial.
Swap dating for self-care
So many people will tell you to “put yourself back out there” right after a breakup and go on some dates, but that isn’t always the answer. It’s not the best idea if you’re breaking up with someone you’ve had a long, eventful history with. Instead, now is the time for self-care.
Take a break from dating and focus on yourself. Hang out with your friends, dedicate more time to your favorite hobbies or important projects, and reconnect with yourself. Take all the time you need to feel self-assured and happy with your life alone before bringing a new love interest into it.
Reframe your thinking
A lot of people beat themselves up for spending months or even years in on-again, off-again relationships. Don’t think of it as wasted time or a time where you were foolish.
Love is a beautiful thing, and you should be grateful that you had it with that person, even if it was just for a little while. Instead, focus on what you want your relationships to look like in the future and stop focusing on your past.
I know it’s hard to break such a vicious cycle, but once you finally put that on-again, off-again relationship to rest, you’ll feel so much lighter. Good luck!
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