You can make excuses for someone being socially awkward, but if someone is truly disrespectful, there’s no way to justify that. And this is one of those situations where the I didn’t know that was offensive defense doesn’t actually fly. Her boyfriend’s not confused; he’s comfortable. And all too happy to put her second behind his ex-wife.
This 47-year-old woman is lactose intolerant, and it’s so severe that even if she downs a bunch of Lactaid pills, she still cannot consume dairy at all.
Now, she started dating her 56-year-old boyfriend two months ago, and he invited her to attend his family’s potluck-style Thanksgiving.
The issue is that the cranberry sauce will be the only thing served at Thanksgiving that she can eat, but bringing her own food to events is normal for her, so she’s not exactly bothered.
She did make sure to ask her boyfriend if it would be offensive to his loved ones if she showed up with special food for herself, and he reassured her nobody would find it problematic.
She suspects that her boyfriend is somewhere on the spectrum, but he’s super sweet to her. Anyway, he said he would make her a full Thanksgiving feast, complete with mashed potatoes, gravy, turkey, and stuffing, and they could take that to his family’s Thanksgiving dinner so she wouldn’t have to worry about making her own food. He then took tomorrow off to have plenty of time to whip this all up.
“AND because there’s going to be so much food, he invited the ex-wife (the one he talks horribly about) to have dinner with him that night. While I’m at work…as a first responder,” she explained.
“I mention that because it’s very rare that I don’t work holidays, so the few times I get to celebrate on the actual day [are] super special. So, boyfriend doesn’t see the problem of his ex-wife getting to eat a fresh, hot meal while I will have the leftovers the next day because there’s so much food, plenty enough to share.”
“He doesn’t get that it’s akin to baking a birthday cake for me, but since it’s so large that I can’t eat it all, he’s going to give half of it to his ex-wife the day before the party.”
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She already feels weird about her boyfriend’s ex-wife for two other reasons. The first one is that several weeks into dating, her boyfriend brought up that his ex-wife is more attractive than she is, in a conventional sense.
She asked her boyfriend why on earth he would say that to her, and he responded that it was true.
“A few weeks after that, he ‘joked’ that my personality is too big for some people. And that, when he met me a few years ago, there was nothing he found attractive about me at all, including my personality,” she added.
“Folks, I’ll be honest. I’m about 50 pounds overweight and short. His ex-wife is tall & skinny. But gosh, darn it, I care about people and take care of them! And I’m not being investigated for abuse like a certain ex-wife!!!”
“So, yeah, I lost my [nuggets] on him that he thought having his ex-wife over for dinner was a good idea for a meal he’s supposedly making for me.”
She also turned down the invitation to spend Thanksgiving with her boyfriend’s family this year, and she’s doubting that she will still be in a relationship in two days.
She’s left wondering if she should put her pride aside and go to Thanksgiving after all. She knows her boyfriend struggles with grasping what is normal in a social setting, so it has crossed her mind that’s why he thinks having dinner with his ex-wife is acceptable.
Harsh take: I don’t think her boyfriend is on the spectrum; I think he’s rude, and she’s been trying to find an excuse for how terrible he is.
I mean, I would have dumped this guy after both of those cruel comments he directed at her, and Thanksgiving dinner with his ex is strike three.
Time to make her boyfriend her ex and find someone else to spend the holidays with ASAP!
What advice do you have for her?
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By Bre Avery Zacharski
Hi, I'm Bre, Chip Chick's CEO! I have a degree in Textile/Surface Design from The Fashion Institute of Technology, and... More about Bre Avery Zacharski
