Sometimes, wedding bells can turn once-thoughtful besties into self-absorbed people, and TikToker Ashanti (@unpunishablewoman) is tired of pretending that it’s not a thing.
She’s talking about how married women are actually self-centered when it comes to their single friends.
“For some reason, single women are expected to forgive their married female friends for anything,” said Ashanti. “We’re meant to be understanding, ever available, ever accessible.”
She points out that single friends are supposed to support their married friends through all the life events that they experience, whether they be pregnancies, engagements, or destination weddings.
However, when it’s time to show up for their single friends’ life events, they often are not there to celebrate promotions at work, career changes, moving to a new place, or travel adventures.
According to Ashanti, she has seen many single women, including herself, express their pain and frustration over the lack of time and investment that their married friends put into their achievements, just because they are not related to a man or procreation.
For example, Ashanti recently traveled all the way to the U.K. for work, and she put in the effort to make arrangements with two of her friends, one of whom was married.
She arrived on time for her plans with the married friend, but the friend was late and had forgotten about the location altogether. When she finally got there, she was completely distracted by her children.
It was upsetting to Ashanti because she had come from another country to catch up with her friend, and she couldn’t even set aside the time to focus on having a conversation with her.
Sign up for Chip Chick’s newsletter and get stories like this delivered to your inbox.
But if Ashanti dares to say something about how she feels, she knows that she will be labeled as being too sensitive and unreasonable because she doesn’t understand what marriage and motherhood are like.
“Here’s the thing: Single women in your life are not just disposable accessories just because we might not be married,” stated Ashanti.
“Just because we might not be occupied with motherhood necessarily, it doesn’t mean we’ve got endless free time where you can pick and choose if you want to call, text, check up on us.”
Ashanti is always happy to sit, listen, and show genuine interest in her married friends’ family life, but she has found that that energy is not reciprocated. Unless the conversation revolves around the ups and downs of dating, they don’t have any interest in what else might be important to her.
Single women tend to act as a coach, therapist, or even a boyfriend figure to those who are in relationships. They help sort out marital problems and work through emotions, but once the issues are resolved, they get radio silence from their married friends until more trouble arises.
“I think that we need to be able to honor these experiences, at least acknowledge the way sometimes married women can be very self-centered, and actually, they don’t invest in the friendships that they have with single female friends,” said Ashanti.
She added that single women are often demonized by boyfriends and husbands because there is this idea that married women shouldn’t hang around their single female friends, as their influence may pose a risk to the marriage, which is yet another one of the struggles they must deal with.
By Emily Chan
Emily Chan is a writer who covers lifestyle and news content. She graduated from Michigan State University with a degree in... More about Emily Chan
