There are moments in adulthood when life stops feeling like a series of choices and starts being like a succession of consequences you never asked for.
That’s exactly where she finds herself now. She loves her sister deeply, but she’s learning that love doesn’t mean you can rescue someone from the impact of the poor decisions that they made, especially when doing so would pull you under in the process.
This woman’s sister was unfortunately diagnosed with Alzheimer’s at only 40 years old, which is unusual, as it mainly affects people over the age of 65.
Initially, her sister thought she had brain fog related to early perimenopause, but after undergoing a variety of tests, doctors told her it was actually Alzheimer’s.
Her sister got divorced a year before her diagnosis and had a 12-year-old daughter and a six-year-old son with her ex-husband. The divorce was horrific when it kicked off, but in time, her sister and her ex came to coparent effectively.
“Because of the diagnosis, she had to quit her job, so she’s living on alimony and child support. Then she met a new boyfriend. Six months later, he moved in with her and the kids. We all said it was too fast, but she insisted he was ‘the one,'” she explained.
“Four months after he moved in, she got pregnant. Everyone begged her not to continue the pregnancy, including me. I told her straight up: ‘Who is going to take care of this baby when your illness gets worse?'”
“She insisted her boyfriend was excited and would step up, that her kids were ‘thrilled,’ and that the baby gave her hope. Now she called me on Friday, sobbing because she caught him cheating, and he left.”
“Just…walked out. She asked her ex-husband if he could take care of the baby in the future when she’s no longer able, and he said he can’t because he already has to take care of their two kids.”
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Her sister is so close to having her baby, and she’s frantically trying to come up with a game plan for what will happen to this child when she can’t play mom.
She’s beyond angry that her whole family is expecting her to step up and care for her sister’s baby. She and her husband have already made the decision to be child-free, but all of their loved ones are dropping some not-so-subtle hints that they need to step into the role of parents to bail her sister out.
While sure, her sister can go after her runaway boyfriend for child support, there’s nothing that can be done to force this man to care for the baby.
“I’m mad at her for ignoring every warning. I’m mad at her boyfriend for bailing. Her kids (who she claimed were thrilled) are angry because they know this baby will become their responsibility,” she said.
“And I’m angry that people think I should fix this. I love my sister, but I’m exhausted and resentful, and I hate that I was right about all of this.”
She’s also upset that her sister’s boyfriend was fully aware of her diagnosis, yet encouraged her to keep the baby, only to leave her high and dry.
Oh, and her sister absolutely will not consider adopting her baby out. She’s insisting that her child must remain in their family.
Well, I feel like I’m stating the obvious by saying it’s deeply unfair of her sister to try to put her in this position. Her sister really should accept that she doesn’t want kids, and she should not change her mind about that, no matter what her family members say.
Her sister was not acting responsibly here, and that’s not her fault. It’s on her sister to come up with a different plan for who should take her baby.
What advice do you have for her?
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By Bre Avery Zacharski
Hi, I'm Bre, Chip Chick's CEO! I have a degree in Textile/Surface Design from The Fashion Institute of Technology, and... More about Bre Avery Zacharski
