Four years of a physical affair will do a number on a marriage, and apparently, so will one single kiss. But when a wife who cheated for years is now devastated over her husband kissing someone once, is she really entitled to her hurt?
This man’s wife had a friends-with-benefits affair that lasted for four years, though it was on and off. Close to five months ago, his wife confessed to him what she was doing behind his back.
Following her confession, they have been going to couples counseling, as well as individual counseling, every single week in an effort to fix their marriage.
He felt like there was a hole in his heart after learning that he was not the only man in his wife’s life, and he wasn’t interested in getting her back or exacting revenge.
He did work hard on reconciling, and they were both making strides. His wife is extremely regretful and is doing her best to prove that she’s sorry.
“I went to a bar Friday evening to ‘do something normal’ and made out with another woman, not gonna lie, I would have done more if the opportunity presented. I felt so sick about it that I confessed Saturday morning,” he explained.
“When thinking about this, I thought it might be confidence boosting….wrong, it has literally ripped me apart inside, and she is now in the cycle I was in…questions, tears, withdrawn, tears, etc.; you all know the feeling. I’m not grading on a curve; it’s not like what I did is less than…it was still wrong, and I hate the way I feel.”
“I hate that we have been set back in our recovery. Don’t do what I did. How do I (we) come back from this? She says she’s not leaving and needs time, but I agree with her that this has toppled a lot of the work we have been doing together. I’m now set about picking up the pieces.”
Well, his wife is the one who brought all of this destruction about, so I can’t really say he’s at fault for giving in to temptation, especially since I’m willing to bet that his wife’s affair ruined his confidence, and it’s nice to be wanted.
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I know comparing things isn’t truly helpful, but one kiss is a whole lot less offensive than four years of an affair, so his wife doesn’t really have a right to cry about it.
It’s surprising that his wife was that upset about the kiss, because she did so much worse to him. Maybe this is a blessing in disguise and will give his wife more empathy for him on their road to recovery.
Perhaps this will also help his wife to see that he can leave, he is desirable, and she should not take him for granted for staying in their marriage.
What advice do you have for him?
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By Bre Avery Zacharski
Hi, I'm Bre, Chip Chick's CEO! I have a degree in Textile/Surface Design from The Fashion Institute of Technology, and... More about Bre Avery Zacharski
