I’m a big fan of taking the time to chat with someone before going on a first date with them, as you can very well find out that you’re incompatible before wasting too much of your time.
This woman recently met a guy on a dating app, and she has been talking to him for less than a week so far. She has not yet been on a date with him or met him in real life.
She does enjoy talking to guys before agreeing to a date, so that she can get a better understanding of them and their values prior to seeing them face-to-face.
She says she’s not super young now, and she has no time to waste on guys. So, this is like a prequalification process for her to evaluate her romantic interests better.
Back to this dating app guy, whom she has been speaking to for under 7 days. They did talk a bit about their past relationships, which she found normal.
“This guy is divorced from a short marriage that lasted two years. I don’t really mind that he’s divorced, because it happens and it’s quite common nowadays,” she said.
“But then I listen to him speak about his ex-wife: ‘She’s lazy. She’s like a parasite. Life with her was hopeless. She did not try to find a job. I paid her off one-time after the divorce. Looking back, it was a conspiracy, and she used me for my money. I married her because I thought she could find a job, but she never did. After I get rid of her, I don’t really care anymore.'”
“Then he explained to me that he would want me to sign a prenup to make sure I’m not dependent on him. I’ve always made my own money and have six figures in my retirement/investment account, but I’ve never made six figures annually before in my entire life.”
Saving money for her has been a big priority, as well as budgeting appropriately. Without a doubt, she is responsible when it comes to her cash.
She wasn’t about to tell this guy about how much she has sitting there in the bank, but she did bring up how she is invested in her career and has always been able to pay her own bills.
A couple of days after having that conversation, she began feeling strange. She has not met this man in real life, and she does get that his past left him hesitant about being married again.
“But at the same time, it feels like we are already starting off with suspicion, paranoia, distrust instead of curiosity, and gradually building trust and warm feelings for each other,” she continued.
“I want to ask: am I being overly anxious about this? Because, given the fact we’re not even in a relationship, and he’s already insisting he would want me to sign a pre-nup if we ended up being married.”
“I mean, yeah, it’s good to warn the other person beforehand what your dealbreakers are. But it feels like we’re starting off on a sour note instead of just enjoying getting to know each other.”
I do think it’s way too early for him to address a prenup; that’s a chat best left saved for when you feel like being engaged to someone.
Also, I really hate that he bashed his ex-wife in the way that he did. That’s an even bigger red flag to me than the prenup. If this man has that amount of vitriol for his ex, he’s not in the right headspace to be dating.
Yes, people wrong us in life, but to drag that around and dump your negativity on someone who is potentially interested in dating you is not cool. He has a lot of work to do on himself.
Do you think she’s overreacting to this, or is she looking at a big red flag?
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By Bre Avery Zacharski
Hi, I'm Bre, Chip Chick's CEO! I have a degree in Textile/Surface Design from The Fashion Institute of Technology, and... More about Bre Avery Zacharski
