It’s a tough spot to be in when you’re the only person in the house refusing to read from the happy blended family script. But when your mom’s pushy boyfriend spends years trying to claim the role of your dad, when should you put him in his place?
This 19-year-old girl’s dad sadly passed away back when she was 13. He had cancer, and losing him ruined their family. In time, she, her brother, and her mom managed to be alright again, but it really did take them a while.
Two years ago, her mom started dating a man named Dave, and he moved into their family home last summer. She has failed to bond with him, and it really has nothing to do with his character.
“He’s not a bad person, he just tries so hard to slot himself into this ‘dad’ role that it makes me uncomfortable, ruffling my brother’s hair, calling him champ, making decisions like he’s always been here,” she explained.
“I’ve never said anything because my mum is happy and I didn’t want to ruin that. But last weekend was my 19th birthday dinner, close family, a couple of friends, Dave and his daughter there too, and when the cake came out, Dave stood up and put his hand on my shoulder and told the whole room that I’ve “got a father figure in my corner now.”
“Something about it being my birthday, the day already feeling heavy without my dad, just snapped something in me, and I looked at him and said quietly, ‘I have a dad, he died, you’re my mum’s boyfriend, and I’d like to keep it that way.'”
Everyone at the table fell silent as soon as she reminded Dave that he is not her real dad at all. Her mom was wordless too, but when the guests had left, her mom said she embarrassed Dave.
Her mom demanded to know how she could do such a thing to Dave, and on her birthday, in front of all of those guests, no less. She thought that her birthday would be the one night of the year when she didn’t have to play along with Dave trying to make himself another parent to her.
Not a single person has questioned her in the last two years about her feelings regarding Dave assuming a fatherly role. She’s left wondering if she was a jerk for humiliating Dave at her birthday dinner.
Her mom is truly the worst for not being sensitive to how she feels about Dave moving in and pushing himself into being a part of their family in a big way.
I think it’s time for her to sit down and have a conversation with her mom and Dave at the same time, and finally tell them that she doesn’t need or want a second dad.
It’s perfectly fine for her to say that she likes Dave as a person and appreciates him making her mom happy to soften the blow a bit, or at least hopefully make them Dave and her mom more receptive to hearing her out.
What do you think?
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By Bre Avery Zacharski
Hi, I'm Bre, Chip Chick's CEO! I have a degree in Textile/Surface Design from The Fashion Institute of Technology, and... More about Bre Avery Zacharski
