Do you think it’s fair to screen your love life based on what a potential partner has been diagnosed with? Or does that mean you’re too judgmental?
This 21-year-old girl and her little sister each have very severe ADHD, and their dad happens to be on the spectrum. When she was little, she had to step in to help out a lot around the house, as her dad and sister did not receive their diagnoses until they were adults.
“It was also hard to manage sensitivity and memory challenges that came with their ADHD. I’m not saying it was hard on me more than it was hard for them, but it wasn’t exactly easy for me either,” she explained.
Last year, she was in a relationship with a girl who had ADHD, which was quite difficult for her. This girl would throw herself into a new passion, and it would mess with her ability to regulate her emotions and manage her time.
While she has not been diagnosed with ADHD by a doctor, her mom and dad are convinced that she is on the spectrum, as she struggles with voicing her emotions and showing empathy.
So when she was dating this particular girl, they argued nonstop when she needed encouragement or comfort. They ultimately broke up, and it dawned on her that she was not interested in dating a person with ADHD ever again.
She feels so burnt out from dealing with everyone in her life who does have ADHD. She doesn’t think an ADHD diagnosis automatically means you are a bad boyfriend or girlfriend, but she cannot feel fulfilled in a relationship that requires her to be full of tolerance and empathy.
“It’s truly me and not them. I recently was seeing a guy (22M) who is a friend of a friend, and we went on a couple dates. On our most recent date, he was late, and he told me he had pretty severe ADHD,” she added.
“The next day, I texted him and told him we should just be friends (I did not tell him why). He then proceeded to tell our mutual friend that I had rejected him sorely because he had ADHD and that I was an ‘ableist [jerk].'”
“My friend is now not speaking to me. I’m not going to say that what I did was completely fine. I think I would be upset too. But I don’t think I am [a jerk] because I have my dating preferences, especially when I understand the issue isn’t that they have ADHD, it’s that I’m not good at handling such relationships. I don’t know. Maybe I am missing something again?”
Everyone is entitled to their dealbreakers when it comes to finding love, and it’s acceptable for her to know she’s not compatible with someone who has ADHD.
While I understand that her dose of honesty hurt this guy’s feelings, it’s better for her to be upfront instead of drawing things out, knowing this will not work for her.
What advice do you have for her?
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By Bre Avery Zacharski
Hi, I'm Bre, Chip Chick's CEO! I have a degree in Textile/Surface Design from The Fashion Institute of Technology, and... More about Bre Avery Zacharski
