Now That Her Wedding Is 3 Months Away, She’s Afraid That She Has Really Outgrown Her Fiancé And Should Call It Off, But She Has Other Fears Getting In The Way Of Ending Things
This 22-year-old girl has a 27-year-old fiancé whom she has been with for 6 years. Her fiancé also happens to be the very first guy that she has ever dated, and she really doesn’t know what her life would be like without him.
She always looked at him as her entire world, and their relationship really hasn’t been all rainbows and roses.
Both her family and his family are incredibly harsh, and that has really caused them to struggle. On top of all of that, her fiancé’s mom is someone she really resents, and this woman has really made her life miserable.
They were able to overcome so many difficulties in their time together, specifically caused by family members, and a little under a year ago, her fiancé proposed to her.
“I’ve had my doubts and concerns over the years, but I could never get myself to let go because it felt like I’d die without this person, and the more the family tried to separate us, the more we wanted to stay together, as if of stubbornness,” she explained.
“Now, after all this time, our families are on board, and we’ve spent 10s of thousand of dollars on the wedding down payments and my dress. As I’ve mentioned, I definitely had doubts but just tried to ignore them. However, recently I started getting this deadly feeling in my gut like something isn’t right. I couldn’t sleep, eat, or move, and it all related back to the idea of us getting married.”
“Whenever anyone mentions anything related to me getting married, I don’t get happy and excited. Instead, I want to dig a hole and hide in it forever. What makes all of this 100x worse is that my partner is overall a great person, loving, caring, generous, and for the most part, understanding. He is 100% committed to the idea of us getting married. He doesn’t deserve this, but do I deserve to live with these feelings?”
She honestly believes that she has “outgrown” her fiancé, and he can’t see this at all. She doesn’t see how she and her fiancé have any similarities anymore.
For example, she adores working out, yet her fiancé won’t even try to enjoy this activity with her. She has attempted many times to get him into working out with her, but he never took her up on that.
kegfire – stock.adobe.com – illustrative purposes only, not the actual person
She also adores walking, going out on the town, and going on little adventures around the city where she lives.
Any time that she asks her fiancé to come to join her in doing things she loves, he acts like it’s a burden.
Her fiancé acts like an old man, not someone who is 27, and it’s irritating. Their differences in interests are not the only hurdle for her, though; they also are not on the same page regarding the timing for having children or the kind of lifestyles they would like to have.
They fight constantly, with it always ending in her fiancé threatening to dump her. Now, she’s the one contemplating ending things, even though she knows everyone will hate her for it, including him and all of their loved ones.
Several months ago, she did tell him that she was concerned about tying the knot, and he didn’t take that news well.
He told her she could give her engagement ring back or stop talking about it. She chose to stop talking about it.
“He’s content by us just being comfortable together, says he’s completely in love with me, and he doesn’t want to break up at all, once again making it soul-crushing for me to do this,” she said.
“I couldn’t let go; l agreed to swallow the feeling. Things seemed to be okay, I was glad I didn’t have to deal with the heartbreak. Then again, I got hit with an insane wave of the same worry and doubting a month ago (full-on depression)…”
“Family got involved (because he complained to his mom that gave me trauma in the past), my mom, aunts, and grandma are telling me not to do this (they are old fashioned, BTW) that everything will resolve after the wedding, and that I can’t unlove someone I’ve been with for so long and fought so hard to be with. It kills me that my imagination started to wonder, that I get wandering eyes, that I’m always thinking of what ifs and this…gut feeling.”
Because she’s basing all of this on feelings, that makes it so hard for her to actually end things with him for good.
He has not given her an actual bad reason to move on, which would make it easy. She is beginning to think leaving him is for the best, but there are other fears stopping her from simply walking away.
She’s concerned that leaving might be an enormous error. She’s concerned that being alone and not having him in her life will be more terrible than her bad feelings about getting married.
She’s concerned that she will never find a man who she feels secure around as she does with him.
“And how do I live with myself, ending things with a person I built so many memories and hopes for the future with?” she wondered.
“The pressure from him and my family makes life unbearable. Please help me make a rational decision.”
Do you think she should stay or go, and do you think this is just an instance of stereotypical cold feet?
You can read the original post on Reddit here.
If true crime defines your free time, this is for you: join Chip Chick’s True Crime Tribe
Why Do People Fall Out Of Love, And Is There Anything You Can Do To Prevent This?
Sign up for Chip Chick’s newsletter and get stories like this delivered to your inbox.
More About:Romance