When It Comes To Dating, Should You Ever Play Hard To Get?
The following column is the opinion and analysis of the writer, Katharina Buczek.
Hopeful singles have been playing cat and mouse ever since the inception of dating.
Everyone knows how the story goes: someone shows romantic interest in a potential partner, and the other person just plays hard to get.
But is this a game you really want to be a pawn in?
Well, let’s start by discussing the obvious. Playing hard to get can definitely be an effective way to grab someone’s attention. Once you make yourself unavailable, it tends to make you appear more desirable.
I mean, have you ever met someone who doesn’t want what they can’t have? I rest my case.
On the other hand, though, this strategy is not a one-size-fits-all. And sometimes, it can even backfire.
Let’s look at one specific example. Suppose you are interested in someone, and they are constantly playing hard to get. They may take ages to respond to your texts or cancel plans you were excited about. Perhaps they even just seem disinterested in the potential relationship in general.
The logical conclusion you would draw from this behavior is that the person is not interested in you. So, after eventually becoming frustrated, you may opt to just move on to someone else who is more responsive and emotionally available.
Xavier Lorenzo – stock.adobe.com – illustrative purposes only, not the actual person
At the same time, though, being super responsive also has its downfalls. If you make yourself constantly available and appear too eager, you run the risk of seeming clingy or desperate. And while it’s good to be upfront about your intentions for commitment, too much too soon is not a good thing.
After all, who enjoys feeling smothered? This can be a major turn-off, especially during the earlier stages of dating.
Instead, it’s important to strike a balance– finding that sweet between showing interest without making yourself too available.
So, the answer to whether or not you should ever play hard to get is that it depends. Every situation and person is different. Personal preferences are also at play.
If you find that you like someone but feel like they are taking you for granted, it could be beneficial to play a little hard to get.
This can show them that you are not willing to settle for anything less than you deserve and have other options on the market.
On the flip side, though, if you are seriously interested in someone and hope to pursue a committed relationship, it’s crucial that you are upfront with your interest.
Try to make plans, be available, and show your potential partner that you genuinely value their time. If you don’t and you continue playing games, you could potentially miss out on an awesome connection.
At the same time, it’s crucial to remember that playing hard to get can be emotionally exhausting on your mind, too. It usually requires a lot of effort in the form of self-restraint and is just not sustainable in the long term.
Eventually, you will have to let your guard down and allow another person in if you really want to forge a meaningful relationship.
But, if you keep putting on a facade, you may just end up attracting someone who is not really compatible with the real you.
At the end of the day, dating is all about being yourself and finding a partner who appreciates you for who you truly are.
So, if you are always playing games and being inauthentic, you are not giving any potential partners a real fighting chance of getting to know you.
That’s why, when it comes to playing hard to get, my advice is to use the tactic sparingly. Sure, it can be helpful in situations where you feel like someone is taking you for granted.
But, most of the time, it’s much more beneficial to be yourself, be honest about your interest, and allow the potential relationship to progress naturally.
After all, all good relationships are built on solid foundations of trust and respect. And if you choose to play games, you can undermine both of these cornerstones.
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