Is Your Man Suddenly Acting Hot And Cold? Here Are Three Possible Reasons Why
The following column is the opinion and analysis of the writer, Katharina Buczek.
There’s nothing more confusing than when you’re going strong with a guy just for him to pull away.
If you’re a girl in the dating scene, you know exactly what I’m talking about. One minute, everything is wonderful. You’re seeing a man, hanging out and talking a lot, and he seems to be seriously into you.
But then, out of nowhere, the tides change, and you feel him pull back from your life.
You may start to worry and wonder what you could have done wrong. Plus, you are left without any clue about where he stands. Will you stop talking? Will he come back, and will you both move forward toward a relationship? Who knows.
This phenomenon, while downright annoying, is not rare. Instead, it is just the harsh reality that many single women encounter: sometimes, men go “hot and cold.”
But even though this cycle is pretty common, there are a few different reasons why your new guy might be icing you out all of a sudden.
Why Your Guy Is So Hot And Cold
First of all, it’s important to realize that even though you might be seeing a new guy, they still have a completely separate, individual life.
opolja – stock.adobe.com – illustrative purposes only, not the actual people
That’s why, sometimes, guys start to pull away from new relationships when they have something else going on inside their personal lives.
As women, we tend to enjoy talking over our issues and garnering support from those closest to us. But think about it: most guys typically deal with challenges much differently.
Rather than turning to a support system, men tend to turn inward– retreating and working things out by themselves instead of letting others in.
In these instances, you are not “the problem.” Instead, you may just be in the backseat as your beau figures out some other stressors or responsibilities.
And while that happens, it’s best to just sit back and do nothing. Don’t try to pry or get involved. Unwanted help or prodding will likely only result in conflict.
That’s why you should just stay put and give your guy the space he needs. In the meantime, you can rest assured that the coldness you’re feeling has nothing to do with you. Then, once he eventually returns, you can both talk things over with a clearer mind.
But, it’s crucial to note that there are still two other reasons why men might pull away.
Primarily, your new guy may just want to slow your relationship roll.
Consider this: at the beginning of forging a relationship, the focus is on sparking a connection and putting your best foot forward. That’s why potential partners often go out on many dates, communicate often, and dig deep to learn more about each other.
At the same time, relationship “milestones,” if you will, start to fly by quickly. You may go from an initial coffee date to meeting each other’s friends, staying at each other’s places, or even taking a weekend getaway together.
That’s all well and good if you’re ready. And in the beginning, all of this romance usually feels magical.
But the honeymoon phase gets its name for a reason. All of this momentum is hard to keep up with and maintain in the long term.
So, after a guy goes full force to win you over, he may pull back a bit once he feels like you are both in a good place. This isn’t a game or him being “fake.” It’s just that now that your relationship is getting a bit more established, he may be ready to go from full force to a more sustainable pace. And honestly, that’s healthy for your relationship.
After all, you don’t want your partner to feel rushed or exhausted with you. Instead, things should feel comfortable, and you should be able to find your own routines that work for the relationship.
Still, this can be a tough transition– because, oftentimes, it may just seem like your new beau is not that invested in your relationship anymore.
Rest assured that this is not true in these instances. Rather, you are just moving on from sheer flirtatiousness and chemistry to a more robust and “real” relationship.
Unfortunately, though, there is still one more reason why your guy might be icing you out. And it is not an indicator of a personal life struggle or maturing relationship.
No, I’m talking about when the guy you’ve been seeing is simply starting to lose interest.
I know this is never an easy truth to hear. But, sometimes, it just happens.
You may feel like everything is going great. And your guy might even feel the same way. He may think that you’re intelligent, beautiful, curious about the world, down-to-earth, and hilarious.
Yet, for some reason, your connection just is not clicking for him. At that point, he may start to withdraw, and your relationship may begin to fizzle out.
This “cold” behavior is likely your guy testing the waters. He’s pulling back to figure out how he feels and decide whether or not he wants to dive in fully.
And when you realize this is happening, it may be tempting to just go at him full force and try to “prove” that the relationship– or you– are worth his while.
Resist this urge with everything you have. The more you push a guy, the further they will retreat. Plus, you would rather have a guy come back for the real you.
And if a guy doesn’t, then he must have decided that you two just were not right for each other. View this as a blessing– because it’s better to know sooner than later, and now, you are free to find someone who is a better match.
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