His Friend Of Over 12 Years Admitted To Being In Love With Him, But He’s Not Ready For A Relationship, And She Isn’t Respecting His Boundaries
This 28-year-old guy has had a close female friend, who is also 28, for over 12 years. But she recently admitted that she is basically in love with him, and he doesn’t feel like she is respecting his boundaries.
For context, when they were in college, they did hook up twice. However, according to him, the arrangement was “always chill” and never involved anything serious.
He also admitted to having an on-and-off crush on his friend for a pretty long time. But he just thought that she seemed super uninterested in pursuing anything romantic whenever he broached the topic.
“So, I let it be, and our relationship became entirely platonic,” he explained.
“We’ve both been in long-term relationships with multiple people over the years and live in different cities. So, we mostly kept in touch via Instagram or text.”
Just a few months ago, though, he broke up with a girl who he thought was the love of his life. This crushed him, and he wound up hitting rock bottom– questioning things about himself and about his life in general.
Throughout this challenging time, his friend was there for him over text and even “helped him off a cliff” from time to time.
Then, in May, he started to come out of his shell a bit more and actively worked to go out more and reconnect with some old friends.
That’s why he and his oldest female friend made plans to meet up in person, which was their first hang-out in five years.
MoreThanProd – stock.adobe.com – illustrative purposes only, not the actual people
They wound up going out to get drinks and catch up with each other. They also discussed their exes before ultimately hooking up.
But he claimed that, out of nowhere, his friend then started to ask about their relationship. More specifically, she asked if hooking up meant they were “together” now.
“We just [hooked up], and I’m hanging with you in your bed… so it kind of seems like we are,” she told him.
At that point, he tried to explain how he was nowhere near ready for a relationship. After all, he was still processing his breakup– which his friend knew he was struggling with.
Afterward, his friend claimed to understand. Yet, she went on to reveal how, during each of her past relationships, she always dwelled on him and believed he was the right guy for her.
This came as a huge shock to him, and he honestly did not know what to say. He decided to admit that he once had a crush on her, too. But he reiterated how he is not anywhere near ready to pursue a relationship. Plus, the whole situation felt extremely sudden and very overwhelming.
“I told her I do like her but that it wouldn’t be fair of me to lie to her or pretend I was ready for something like that,” he recalled.
“I also said that in no way do I want her to wait for me to be ready, that I just want to be friends, and that we should not [hook up] again.”
His friend then claimed to understand how he felt. Yet, she still went on to say that she actually was planning to wait for him and that she wanted to just keep hanging out with him in the meantime.
So, this just made him super confused, along with just plain uncomfortable. That’s why he decided to repeat what he said, telling her that he would like to continue hanging out as just friends before changing the topic.
Upon seeing her again more recently, though, it became clear that his friend did not really get the message.
After meeting up, she apparently kept telling him that she loved being close to him and kept trying to hold his hand. Then, she even tried to make plans for the future– such as going on dates and attending concerts.
Plus, over text, she’s doing the same thing in addition to sending him heart emojis.
“And I hate to say it, but at this point, I think I’ve lost my crush on her because I feel like she’s being a bit disrespectful,” he revealed.
“She knows how much I struggled with my breakup and how recent it was. I also feel extremely overwhelmed because I don’t know how to straddle this line without hurting her, and I’m not in an emotional state to be having these extensive conversations about feelings and having to be careful with my words or handle the pressure behind the notion that she’s always ‘waiting.'”
In addition to that, he is also feeling kind of angry at her– because, to him, it seems like his friend only reconnected with him to pursue romantic intentions while trying to make it seem like she really just valued their close friendship.
Still, as he navigates all of his mixed feelings on the situation, he’s been left wondering how to handle it and confront his friend without being a jerk.
Does it sound like his friend is trying to push him before he’s ready? Would a truly good friend do something like that? Can you understand why the situation is making him feel uncomfortable and overwhelmed? How do you suggest he handles it?
You can read the original post on Reddit here.
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