She Introduced Her Daughter To Her Boyfriend And Wanted Him To Be At Her Daughter’s Birthday Party, But Now Her Ex Is Refusing To Go If He Attends
This 40-year-old woman and her ex, 36, have a 4-year-old daughter, and she broke up with him when their daughter was a year old. Sadly, her ex didn’t provide her with any support throughout the pregnancy, and he was toxic and physically and emotionally abused her after their daughter was born.
She stayed in the relationship after the birth because she wanted her daughter to have two parents who were together. However, she knew that she didn’t want to raise her daughter in an environment like that, and she didn’t want her daughter to believe it was acceptable for men to hurt women or anyone.
At the same time, she was incredibly unhappy, so she never questioned whether she made the right decision in breaking up with her ex. She knew it was the best thing for her and her daughter. But she doesn’t think she’s perfect and acknowledges that she can be pretty set in her ways.
More than three years after she broke up with her ex, at the beginning of 2023, she met a wonderful man who respected and supported her. He’s sweet and giving, and she describes him as the most amazing man she’s ever known.
They’ve been dating ever since, and in September, she felt like she was ready for her boyfriend to meet her daughter. In her view, she spent a long time vetting him, and he was a trustworthy man.
“I informed my daughter’s dad about my relationship and asked him if he wanted to meet my boyfriend before I introduced him to our daughter. He refused to meet him but also didn’t want my daughter to meet him,” she said.
According to her ex, she should only hang out with her boyfriend when their daughter is not with her. But her ex only has custody every other weekend, which was what he wanted. Her ex moved an hour away, and she has pleaded with him to move closer so that he can spend more time with their daughter, but he’s rejected this idea. Her ex’s relatives live near her, and his workplace is also not far away, so it never made sense that he chose to move an hour away.
She thought it was unreasonable that her ex assumed she’d only get together with her boyfriend every other weekend. Even though her ex didn’t approve, she allowed her boyfriend to meet her daughter.
Every summer, she throws a massive birthday party for their daughter, and she always invites her family, her ex, and her ex’s family. Not long ago, she mentioned the party to her ex, saying that she wanted him to meet her boyfriend before the party so that everyone could be cordial for their daughter’s birthday.
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“He got really upset, even tearful, asking why I would invite my boyfriend and who he was to our daughter. I think he’s afraid my boyfriend will take over his role,” she explained.
During the conversation, her ex questioned if she told their daughter that her new boyfriend was her new father or her uncle when she first met him, which she thought was outrageous. She noted that when her ex introduced her to his then 14-year-old daughter from a previous relationship, he told his daughter, “‘Here’s your new mom.'”
Later, her ex told her that if her boyfriend showed up to the party, he wouldn’t be attending. By the time their daughter’s birthday rolls around, their daughter and her boyfriend will have bonded a lot.
They already have a close bond, and her boyfriend loves her daughter. On the other hand, her daughter adores her father and would understandably be heartbroken if she wasn’t there to celebrate her special day.
Her ex has never put together a birthday party for their daughter. She has always been the one doing all the work and paying for everything.
Plus, her ex only pays a little over $75 per month in child support. This only pays for food for roughly three of the 27 days a month that she has custody of their daughter, so it obviously doesn’t help too much.
She goes above and beyond for her ex’s other daughter, who is 20 now, as well as her ex’s cousin when her ex should have been the one doing this.
“They both have their birthday around the same time. Birthday celebrations aren’t a big thing in Cameroon, where he’s from, so the first time I celebrated his oldest daughter’s birthday when she was 18, it was the first time she’d ever had a birthday cake or a present for her birthday. I got our daughter, his daughter, and his cousin a cake and a present,” she shared.
Every year, she’s continued to spend money on birthday celebrations for her ex’s other daughter and cousin when she doesn’t have a lot of money. Her ex never buys anything for his older daughter or his cousin, but he does buy their daughter gifts.
Since her boyfriend makes a higher income than she does, he’s been purchasing essentials for her. A while ago, her boyfriend paid for her and her daughter to go on vacation with him. Her ex has gone on trips on his own, never taking their daughter with him.
Now, she wants to invite her boyfriend to the party, and she doesn’t really care if this means her ex will refuse to meet her boyfriend or show up at the party. At the same time, she doesn’t want their daughter to be upset on her birthday.
She understands her ex’s feelings of sadness, uncertainty, and envy about her new boyfriend being a potential parental figure in their daughter’s everyday life, but she believes that he should be able to prioritize their daughter rather than his hurt feelings.
Plus, she expressed to him that her boyfriend wasn’t a replacement. They are all old enough that they should be able to maturely deal with the complications that co-parenting can entail.
What advice would you give her?
You can read the original post on Reddit here.
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