He Hates Being A Dad To His Autistic Preschooler Son, As Every Day Is Difficult
This man has a 4-year-old son who was diagnosed with autism, and he hates being a dad. Well, he hates to use such a strong word to describe his unhappiness with his parental role, but it’s the only way he can really sum up how he feels.
His son has level 2 autism, and he and his wife were not surprised when he got diagnosed. As a newborn, their son was silent and never attempted to speak.
He also didn’t play with toys in a way that seemed normal and would not look anyone in the eyes.
“He was a very sweet baby, though, and I would love for him to go back to that stage,” he explained.
“Laughing over silly faces, Sesame Street, the dogs getting in his face and sniffing him. My wife and I used to go out to stores with him and car rides just to get out since he was a newborn during lockdown. I was a very happy father regardless of us being stuck at home all day, every day.”
“Now, to the present day, we are stuck at home all day, every day, because of him. I cannot go to the store a certain way because it looks like we are going to Grandpa’s house, and if I don’t take a certain turn, that means a complete meltdown because I didn’t turn onto Grandpa’s street.”
His son’s meltdowns can last anywhere from half an hour to an hour. His son will kick the back of his seat and the car door while screaming as loud as possible.
It gives him dread having to drive anywhere with his son, since this happens every time they get in the car.
When they are at home, things aren’t exactly better. His son acts terribly for the majority of the day, kicking the doors and walls of their home, hitting their dogs, as well as him or his wife, scratching, spitting, and yelling.
LIGHTFIELD STUDIOS – stock.adobe.com – illustrative purposes only, not the actual child
His son behaves in this way nonstop, no matter if he’s happy or upset. He says this could make anyone go crazy, and it’s taking a toll on him.
“I understand as parents, we must be understanding of him having autism and unable to regulate his emotions how we do,” he said.
“Do you understand how difficult it is to repeat the same things over and over for 3 YEARS straight? “Don’t kick the wall, please,” “Don’t hit the dogs,” “You do not need to scream,” “Do not hit me,” “Do not hit yourself. I’m so sick and…tired of having to say those phrases every single day.”
His wife is a stay-at-home mom, and he works mostly from home, so he can’t jump in to assist his wife when his son is being difficult.
Daycare costs so much money, and they don’t have a good chance of finding one that can accommodate their son, which is why his wife stays home.
While he’s trying to work, he just hears his wife repeating phrases at his son on end, trying to get him to calm down.
If he does have a free minute, he does help his wife in order to give her a little break. But then, when he returns to his office, his son kicks his office door with all of his strength while screaming.
“It makes your heart skip a beat how loud it is; it’s like a gunshot just went off in our house,” he added.
“It makes my blood boil, but I bite my tongue. The number of times I have to drown out screaming, kicking, crying, whatever because I’m in meetings is exhausting. It never…ends with our son. I want to take my wife and me alone somewhere for ONE…day without him there. It’s impossible since nobody will take our son for a night in our family because of how difficult he can be.”
Once in a blue moon, their parents will offer to watch their son for one evening. When they can get away from their son, they spend their alone time sleeping since they rarely get to at home.
Their son wakes up every morning at 6 a.m. kicking his bedroom wall, so they don’t get much shuteye on a normal basis.
The only reprieve they routinely get is when their son goes to a special needs program, which is three hours long and happens twice a week.
But six hours apart from their son doesn’t provide them with enough of a break to recharge.
His son has progressed, so he can form sentences, use words properly, and read, but those milestones seem hopeless when he watches other parents with children the same age as his son without autism.
He sees their children being calm and perfect out in public, and his son never is. He’s afraid he and his wife will never even get to experience something like this.
Rarely, his son will be angelic, asking in a polite way for things and telling him and his wife that he loves them.
“It makes me stop and think we may be doing alright and that it’s fine he has autism because he doesn’t know the difference and is happy,” he continued.
“To an outsider who doesn’t know us, we are a “normal” family. Those are moments that I cherish very dearly in my heart, and those are the moments I always wanted when he was a baby.”
“…I’m just tired of being a dad. I’m tired of the same battle every day. I’m tired of my nerves being shot. I’m tired of the bruises on my arms and legs. I’m tired of feeling hate towards him. I’m tired of keeping it together. I’m tired of saying I’m tired.”
What advice do you have for him?
You can read the original post on Reddit here.
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