She’s Describing How To Hone Healthy Communication In Your Relationships By Dealing With Emotional Conflict Like An Interpreter, Not A Lawyer
For a lot of couples, learning how to communicate without fighting can feel like a goal that can never be reached. None of us are born with the ability to navigate conflict smoothly, but fortunately, those skills can be learned.
TikToker Charlotte (@charlottemorabito) is describing how to engage in a healthy form of communication when you’re in a relationship.
“So many people go into communicating like they’re lawyers when you should really go into communicating with your partner like you are an interpreter,” Charlotte said. She added that one of the most common things you’ll see on a dating profile is someone stating that they want to be with a person who is a good communicator, but the truth is, most people are not skilled at communicating, even the ones making it a stipulation.
In everyday situations, it is likely that you will say something that hurts your partner’s feelings. However, you might not have actually done something wrong. The statement may have just triggered some deeper feelings in your partner that need to be addressed.
As a result, this will cause them to lash out and behave in ways that express how hurt they are. So, how can you talk about your partner’s behavior and validate their feelings without causing them to become defensive?
Charlotte gave an example of an interaction between a boyfriend and a girlfriend. The girlfriend lives in a small studio apartment, while the boyfriend has a bigger one-bedroom apartment in a nicer building since he makes more money than her. He wants her to move in with him, but she is unsure about it because she likes having her own space.
She is also a little insecure about the fact that he has a higher income than her, so she feels like he doesn’t think her apartment is as good as his.
One day, while they were hanging out at her place, they saw a cockroach scuttle across the floor. He then mentioned how he couldn’t wait to get her out of that apartment, which struck a nerve with her.
If they had bad communication skills, she would let the negative feelings brew inside her until it came out as resentment later on. She will be upset because her emotional needs aren’t being met, while he feels frustrated because she doesn’t appreciate what he’s trying to do for her.
Andrey_Arkusha – stock.adobe.com – illustrative purposes only, not the actual person
If they had good communication skills, she would kindly and directly state her issue with his words. She would then explain how what he said had hurt her feelings, especially since she was proud to have her own place.
That would give him the chance to clarify that he hadn’t meant it in that way. Afterward, he would validate her feelings about her apartment.
During the whole interaction, he did not apologize because he hadn’t done anything wrong, but he also did not get defensive either. The right approach is to ask about what’s going on beneath the surface.
@charlottemorabito Be an interpeter not a lawyer #dating #communicationtips #relationships #men #women #datingadvice #datingapps
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