This 30-year-old woman grew up with a wealthy family, but her husband, John, 30, had a vastly different childhood. John grew up in foster care since he was a baby until he was 18. They met while in medical school. Even though her parents never gave John money, the help they gave her ended up helping him, too.
Her parents funded rent on her apartment, and when John struggled with his lease and roommates halfway through their first year of med school, she suggested he move in with her. When she discussed the idea with her parents, they didn’t feel it necessary to charge John rent.
She hadn’t been originally planned to have roommates, so they weren’t losing money. Since John lived with her throughout med school, he didn’t have to worry about paying rent. It helped him when he had to pay off his loans. She is her parents’ only child.
“My parents were always of the mentality that they would rather help me out when they’re here than with their inheritance since they could see me enjoy and benefit from it this way,” she said.
When she and John began their residencies, they were married, and they moved into her mother’s childhood home she’d given her as a gift. The house was worth about $1.5 million. She and John didn’t have to worry about paying anything.
Now, her father has retired, and her mom is elderly and has displayed symptoms of dementia. She and John have discussed what they’ll do moving forward.
“While my parents are wealthy, most of their wealth is vested in properties. With my dad retired, they don’t have much liquid income,” she explained.
Their options were either selling one of her parents’ properties (which wouldn’t be a good financial decision because property value increases over the years) or funding her parents’ care.
After she suggested the second option, John wasn’t thrilled and said that wouldn’t be fair for him. Because he didn’t have any family members, he didn’t think it was fair that the money they’d spend on her parents’ care would come from their combined income.
“He earns around $500,000, and I earn around $300,000. He believes I should pay the cost out of my pocket. I replied that under ‘normal circumstances,’ this would be completely reasonable,” she shared.
During the conversation, she told John he should recall how much her parents’ money helped him. She reminded him that he didn’t pay rent through almost all of medical school.
Because he “benefitted from her parents’ wealth,” he could do two additional fellowships (additional doctor specialization educational opportunities). This allowed him to make the amount of money he does today.
In her view, it’s unfair for John to have all these advantages because of her parents, but now, he wants her to pay for her parents’ care when it feels inconvenient for him to contribute financially. It’s as if John is now trying to act like her parents aren’t his family when he used to consider them family when he was gaining something from them.
John understood her perspective and said he’d consider her idea, but he told her he was “offended” that she’d “‘thrown his past in his face'” and acted superior to him because of her family’s money. She didn’t agree with this assessment.
What advice would you give her?
You can read the original post on Reddit here.
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