You May Connect With A “Woundmate” Because Of Shared Past Trauma, But That Doesn’t Always Mean They’re Your Soulmate, And Staying With A Woundmate May Do More Harm Than Good
In life, we come across people who have gone through the same things as us, which can feel relieving and amazing.
If you’ve been through something traumatic at one point in your life, finding someone who’s experienced something similar can be very therapeutic, proving you’re not alone. We may see these people as soulmates, but if you analyze your relationship further, they could actually be your ‘woundmate.’
Relationship experts define woundmates as people you connect with because of your past trauma. You form a deep connection because you share the same emotional or traumatic experience.
This connection can happen very quickly, and it may seem that your shared wounds are all you want to talk about at first. You may feel very familiar with this person and your relationship, whether platonic or romantic, and the relationship can move quickly.
However, at a certain point, you may notice things that help differentiate a woundmate from a soulmate.
Yes, sharing traumas can help people build a healthy relationship that promotes support and peace. However, in some instances, it can cause tension between people and plague the relationship with jealousy and negativity.
Often, we connect to woundmates because even if our trauma or wounds occurred years ago, there’s still a lot of healing to do. You may find this person and be elated as you think they have the potential to help you heal. But at the end of the day, you must do the healing yourself.
When in a relationship with a woundmate, whether you realize it or not, you’ll be surrounded by triggers. After all, you bonded over something that deeply wounded and hurt you, so it’s almost inevitable that you feel triggered when you’re with them.
Staying with a woundmate may do more harm than good, as you can get caught in a vicious cycle of rehashing your old wounds and bonding over the times you were at your lowest. You may become jealous when your friend or partner starts to succeed and vice versa.
Emil L/peopleimages.com – stock.adobe.com – illustrative purposes only, not the actual people
Woundmate relationships have high highs and low lows. They can be dysfunctional and overwhelming. But when you’re with a soulmate, life is supposed to feel easy and relaxed.
Soulmates want you to succeed and heal. They will accept your past and help you heal from it, not dwell on it. A relationship with a soulmate develops gradually as you learn more about each other.
You know you’ve found a soulmate when they give you the space, encouragement, and patience you need to move on and heal your wounds.
Does this mean you have to cut off your woundmate totally? Not necessarily. If you can maintain a low-maintenance friendship with them and enjoy their company without mentally and emotionally exhausting yourself, that’s great. When we rely on or put all our faith in our woundmates, we can get hurt.
So, from now on, pay close attention to your relationships. Don’t stop searching for a soulmate, but don’t be fooled into risking your personal peace for a woundmate.
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