What Should You Do If You Meet Someone Online, Show Up To A Date With Them, And They Look Nothing Like Their Photos?
Let’s Talk About Catfishing
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What do you do if you meet someone online and show up to a date to find out you’ve been catfished? It’s a complicated answer.
First, let’s go over what catfishing is for those who have been fortunate enough not to know what this phenomenon is.
Online Dating Is Difficult
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Online dating is already difficult to navigate. Catfishers are just one more thing that stinks about meeting people online.
Catfishing Only Makes It Tougher Out There
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Catfishing is setting up a fake profile, disguising who you really are for romance, or scamming unsuspecting victims.
Catfishing has multiple forms, so if you’re lucky, you’ll only have to deal with the mildest form of catfishing – someone disguising their looks to get a date with you.
This Is Why Catfishing Happens
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The catfisher could be doing this for many reasons: low self-esteem, fear of abandonment, fear of rejection, disorganized attachment style, and narcissism.
People Catfish To Help With Their Dating Odds
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Whatever their reason, they intentionally hide their true appearance to increase the odds of getting a date.
Sometimes, Catfishing Is More Nefarious
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Hopefully, that is their whole plan. More extreme versions of catfishing involve lying about gender, age, and lifestyle to scam victims somehow.
Here Are Some Common Ways Catfishing Occurs
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If you are lucky, maybe the guy/gal you are meeting up with just hid their appearance a little. Some common ways to catfish people by appearance include using filters, using a fake profile picture, using a profile picture with multiple faces (so you don’t know which person is the person you are talking to), and only using professional photos in their profile.
How Do You Stop A Catfish Before You Get To The Date?
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In a perfect world, you will never know the shock and disappointment of showing up to a date and finding out your potential dream partner is a catfish. Unfortunately, however, the world is not always fair.
Here Are Some Signs To Look For
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To reduce the risk of that happening, here are some helpful signs to look for when talking online with someone that indicates they might be a catfish.
They Look Fake Online
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Their online presence looks fake. This could mean a bare dating profile or spam-looking social media profiles with little to know followers/friends.
They Won’t Get On A Phone Call
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They will only text you/message you online. They are chatty enough when you are messaging through the dating app.
You might have even exchanged numbers and text offline now. But, when you ask them to call you or call them, they won’t pick up.
Something Sounds Fishy
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Their story sounds fishy. For example, back when I was dating, I used a dating app to meet locals because I didn’t go out much.
One woman I matched with had many similar interests and hobbies to me, so I was excited to chat with her. We started talking, and I asked her about her work. Her profile said she recently moved to my city from Arizona, but the red flag popped up once we moved to text, and she had a New York number.
I asked her if she had ever lived in New York or had family up there, and she ghosted me right after that. Within 24 hours, she had taken down her profile, and three days later, she had a new profile using the same picture but with a new name and information. I dodged a bullet there!
They’re Using Someone Else’s Photos
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They are using someone else’s pictures. Figuring this out takes some sleuthing, but women these days can dig up more dirt than the CIA, so it shouldn’t be too hard to figure out.
They Won’t Give You A Selfie
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They refuse to send you a selfie. In the beginning, this is totally natural. However, after a couple of weeks of consistent talking, it is weird if you send pictures, but they refuse to.
They Won’t Do Anything Face-To-Face
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They are reluctant to meet IRL or have a virtual chat. If they will message but won’t agree to meet up for a coffee date or even FaceTime/Zoom with you, that’s a red flag for sure!
They Always Cancel Plans
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They constantly cancel on you. If they make plans to meet up but always have a reason to bail last minute on you, that’s a bad sign.
They Won’t Answer Deep Questions
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They withhold information about themselves. If they are asking you deep and personal questions but refuse to answer those same questions about themselves, that is a little sus.
They Ask For Money
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They ask for money. You just met them – so why are they asking you for money? That’s a big sign you are being played.
They Say They Love You – Quickly
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They fall hard and fast. Let’s face it – we all want that “love at first sight” romance. But, unfortunately, life rarely works that way – especially online.
So if they are saying “I love you” and other strong feelings after one day of messaging on Bumble, Tinder, Hinge, or whatever app you use – RUN!
The Vibes Aren’t Right
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The vibes are off. Trust your gut – if something smells fishy, it probably is.
What Do You Do If You Show Up and It Is Clear They Tricked You?
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So, you fell for the photos – they played their part well and got you to agree to a date. You show up to the coffee shop excited to see this potential love story, but instead, you find out they look nothing like their profile.
Maybe they took their picture from a “good angle” or used a filter? Whatever the cause, you are there now. So, what should you do?
Craft An Escape Plan
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The answer: Whatever you feel is right. Some common ways clients and friends I know have dealt with a catfish date:
Have a few drinks to make the whole ordeal less awkward, excuse yourself to the bathroom and sneak out, then ghost them, make up a “family emergency” to bail, confront them – find out why they felt the need to deceive you (insecure or an ego trip) or leave if you think safety is an issue.
You Have To Do What You Feel Is Right For You In The End
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It comes down to asking yourself whether you still find them attractive or friendly despite the deception. Do you still want to see the date through since you made an effort to get dressed up and see them?
Do what you feel is best. There is no “right way” to handle being catfished.
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