Oversharing Is Real, And Can Sometimes Lead To More Harm Than Good
The following column is the opinion and analysis of the writer. Many couples expect access to your deepest thoughts, fears, insecurities, and dreams. However, this is not necessary for all couples.
If you are a couple comfortable with that, by all means, go for it. But, if you want to keep some things to yourself, you have the right to do so. Oversharing is real, and sometimes oversharing can lead to more harm than good.
Here Are 8 Things To Avoid Sharing With Your Partner
A healthy relationship balances sharing and maintaining a sense of independence, including your private thoughts, as there are some things better left unsaid.
It is up to you and your partner to discuss the details about what needs to be shared and what doesn’t need to be shared. You set the terms of the relationship. However, here is a list of 8 things you might not want or need to share with your partner.
1: Your Body Count
While some couples have no issue talking about this, others might. If you know your partner will get upset, keep the number of previous hookups and partners to yourself.
There is no point hurting your partner over something that does not affect the relationship. Furthermore, any specifics on activities and details on past hookups can also be skipped over.
2: Flaws Or Imperfections You Don’t Like About Your Partner
Maybe your partner chews with their mouth open. Maybe your partner snores loudly. Maybe your partner has an overly exaggerated sneeze that draws attention from onlookers. Maybe your partner likes to do celebrity impersonations in public.
Whatever it is, those little things mean nothing in the grand scheme of the relationship. There is no sense in hurting their feelings by bringing up one tiny flaw you find unattractive if you find them attractive overall. Total honesty is not worth damaging your love’s self-esteem.
3: Your Crush On A Coworker
You are only human. Your eyes are bound to wander now and again. It is normal to find the hot guy at work hot, even if you are in a happy relationship. So as long as you are not thinking about acting on this crush or this crush has escalated into something that violates a boundary in the relationship, it might be best to keep this crush to yourself.
Sharing this with your partner might make them unnecessarily nervous or jealous, which will only invite strife into the relationship. But, again, some couples may be able to share this information, and that is fine. But it is by no means mandatory to talk about.
4: Your Initial Feelings About Your Partner
For some couples, it is love at first sight. For the rest of us, love and appreciation are built over time. Telling your partner you weren’t attracted to them at first or found them annoying initially will only hurt their feelings and strain the connection you have now.
If you feel comfortable divulging that information, then that’s great. However, know that you do not need to if you think it will do more harm than good.
5: An Ex Wanting To Get Back Together With You
This one will ruffle up some feathers, so hear me out. This one is very much on a case-by-case basis. If you have an ex who has reached out wanting to get back together, you should tell your partner, if: you still have feelings for this ex, this ex is actively trying to ruin your current relationship in other ways, your ex might spin the story to your partner in any way, or if there are problems in your current relationship.
But if any of these are true, you may not need to tell your partner: there are no lingering feelings toward this ex, the ex approached the subject in a respectful manner, this ex has no intention of interfering with your current relationship outside of asking you to get back together, or there are no problems in your current relationship.
6: Comments About Your Partner From Friends/Family
Your relationship is between you and your partner. There is no need to tell them about every little snide comment your mother, brother, and BFF have said about them.
As long as you and your partner are happy together, there is no need to reveal everything others think. If you agree to share things like that, by all means, do so. Just know that it is not necessary if you don’t want to – unless it directly impacts the relationship. It is up to you to judge when to disclose information like that, if at all.
7: Random Bouts Of Jealousy
Jealousy happens to the best of us. There are certainly times when jealousy should be talked about. If there is potential for an affair or boundaries to be crossed, you should bring up those concerns with your partner.
But, every little twinge of jealousy will likely do more harm than good if discussed. Too much jealousy talk will only strain the relationship and create unnecessary paranoia. Your partner chose you, and that is what’s important. Be wary of talking about every bout of jealousy – sometimes, it’s not worth bringing up.
8: Lingering Feelings For An Ex
This is another very situational one. It is normal to have complex feelings toward an ex. However, that does not mean you need to tell your partner. Tell your partner immediately if you and your ex are talking and things are heating up. If the feelings are private and you have no intention to act on them, keep them to yourself.
Moving on does not magically erase your good memories with an ex. Furthermore, in some cases, your ex could have been your first love or your first real relationship. It’s natural to harbor some lingering affection for an ex. But, if you are happy in your current relationship and those feelings are just feelings, there is no need to create unnecessary insecurity and doubt with your current partner.
By Bre Avery Zacharski
Hi, I'm Bre, Chip Chick's CEO! I have a degree in Textile/Surface Design from The Fashion Institute of Technology, and... More about Bre Avery Zacharski
