Survivor benefits aren’t just numbers on a check; they represent the life a child lost, the future a parent never got to give them. That money is supposed to carry pieces of that security forward, not get absorbed into someone else’s budget.
It’s already painful enough to raise a child without the father who should’ve been there. Having a partner look at that check like it’s community property isn’t just uncomfortable; it makes it clear whose future he’s actually invested in.
This 38-year-old woman has a 15-year-old son who receives a check every month for $1,100, and it’s survivor benefits from his late dad, who died ten years ago.
She’s freshly engaged to her on-again off-again boyfriend, who is 40, and their relationship has been solid for quite some time lately.
They’re going to get a house together soon and blend their family together. She only has her son, but her boyfriend has three kids, one of whom will be living under their roof full-time.
The house they would like to get will cost them $2,500 a month. Her boyfriend’s plan is for her to pay $950 of her personal money, and her boyfriend will put in $950. Her boyfriend then wants her to take $600 out of her son’s check to contribute to their expenses.
Then her boyfriend thinks they should take the additional $500 from her son’s check and use it for their own savings account. Right now, she gives her son $550 to do what he wants with, and the rest she puts away for him.
“I think that since he’s almost 17, he should have some control over his money. My boyfriend disagrees completely. He thinks that since we are “going to be a family,” all the money should be pooled together for shared expenses,” she explained.
“He thinks I’m wrong and selfish for not wanting to include the survivor benefits in the main budget. We’ve been going back and forth on this, and I’m feeling incredibly uncomfortable with his expectation.”
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“I feel like the benefits are my son’s and should not be used to reduce the adult’s portion of the bills. It feels like he’s trying to make me subsidize the household using money that was meant for my son’s care and future, not to pay his own share of the bills.”
She’s left wondering if her boyfriend is right or if her boyfriend wanting to get his hands on the money is a big red flag.
Her gut is screaming at her for a reason. That money belongs to her son, and the fact that her boyfriend is already trying to fold it into rent and family savings tells her everything she needs to know.
This isn’t a partnership; it’s him looking for a shortcut at her son’s expense. I think she should dump this guy, because he’s only looking to freeload.
What do you think?
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By Bre Avery Zacharski
Hi, I'm Bre, Chip Chick's CEO! I have a degree in Textile/Surface Design from The Fashion Institute of Technology, and... More about Bre Avery Zacharski
