Some reunions are imagined as warm, teary, and healing. You know what I mean; it’s the kind of moment that closes the distance created by decades apart.
But not every meeting between a birth parent and an adult child fits the picture people expect. When this woman sat down with the daughter she placed for adoption, she chose honesty over comfort.
And while she meant to offer clarity, her truth landed with more weight than she anticipated, leaving her wondering whether sincerity was the right choice or a needless hurt.
This 45-year-old woman got pregnant 25 years ago after she had a one-night stand. She actually did not know the man’s name, she never wanted to be a mom, and that did not shift after she discovered that she was carrying a baby. She simply wanted to be child-free.
By the time she did learn that she was pregnant, it was too late to terminate. Knowing she did not want to keep her little girl, she found a wonderful couple willing to adopt her.
“I worked with and was friends with the husband, and he had opened up to me previously about how he and his wife had been struggling with infertility and were looking into adoption,” she explained.
“I met his wife lots of times, and they were absolutely lovely. They had a nice house in a nice area of our city, and while I was in a position where I could raise a child, I knew that with them, the baby would be happier, healthier, and infinitely more loved.”
“They were good, loving people, and I knew they could provide a good life. When I gave birth, I had love for my baby, but still, those maternal instincts to care for her weren’t very strong. She went with them.”
A year after the adoption, she moved away to be closer to her own mom and dad, whom she never disclosed the baby to. She let her coworker know that she didn’t wish to know a single thing about her little girl.
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Her child did cross her mind occasionally, and she wished her well, but she didn’t think much about her, to be honest. 25 years later, she has a husband, she’s happily married, and she did not go on to have any more kids.
But two weeks ago, her old coworker reached out to her to confess that his daughter pieced together that she’s her biological mom and wanted to contact her.
Well, days later, she did get a message through Facebook from her biological daughter, who goes to college in the same city where she lives.
She told her daughter she would have one single chat with her. When she did speak to her, her daughter wanted to know why she had adopted her out and if she thought a lot about her. She was truthful and said she doesn’t think about her a whole lot, and she never wanted to be a mom.
“She asked if I wished I had kept her, and I told her the truth. I tried to be nice by saying I couldn’t have given her a nearly as good life, and that I didn’t regret it, because again I didn’t want to be a mother,” she added.
“She got a bit upset after that, and she cut the meeting short, and I haven’t heard from her since, except for a message from her dad saying thanks for meeting with her.”
“I did feel bad because I clearly upset her but she’s a grown woman and I didn’t feel right lying to her when there’s a chance the lie I tell could make her feel worse but my husband said I maybe could have worded it more gently but I felt that I said what was the most honest without being overly cruel or harsh but I did seem to upset her so [am I the jerk]?”
Sometimes, the truth just hurts, and that’s ok. I think she did owe her daughter that dose of honesty, no matter how it was received, and she did right by her in the first place by giving her amazing adoptive parents.
What do you think?
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By Bre Avery Zacharski
Hi, I'm Bre, Chip Chick's CEO! I have a degree in Textile/Surface Design from The Fashion Institute of Technology, and... More about Bre Avery Zacharski
