If you were single and suddenly came into a life-changing amount of money, would you feel compelled to tell someone you were dating, or would you keep it to yourself?
And do you think choosing to stay silent about the cash would make you dishonest, or simply be a way to protect yourself from being used?
This woman is in her late 20s, and inherited $3 million dollars after a family member passed away. The money is in a trust fund, and she gets a tiny amount of it annually.
She is not allowed to take out big chunks of the money, and it’s invested with the help of several financial advisors. She doesn’t tell people that she’s a multi-millionaire, and there’s only one single friend of hers who kind of knows about it, along with a handful of trusted family members.
“I don’t discuss this with anyone, ever, because I don’t see any upside to that (I have nothing to brag about, I didn’t earn this money, I don’t want people trying to use me, I don’t want to complicate friendships, and it’s my business),” she explained.
“I’m now financially secure and very fortunate. I no longer need to save for retirement or worry about money. I know I’m now very wealthy compared to most people, but in most ways, I don’t live a ‘luxurious’ lifestyle.”
“I drive a sensible and safe car, rent a slightly worn but nice-ish mid-range apartment, and work full-time (barely- about 30 hours on average per week) in a low-ish earning job in medicine. At a glance, I probably seem middle-class (I live in the US).”
But digging in, there are aspects of her life that don’t quite make sense. Her furniture is luxurious, her car is brand-new, she travels internationally, and her lifestyle is not quite attainable for someone making what she earns in her career.
She’s been single for a couple of years, and she’s now struggling with when and how she should address her multi-millionaire status when she meets a guy she likes.
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She knows it’s not wise to disclose how wealthy she is too early in, but she’s worried about being perceived as shady for keeping this to herself.
“…Any financially literate guy would probably start to suspect that I either spend beyond my means or have some weird secret money,” she continued.
“I also obviously don’t want guys who would try to use me for my money (not that they really could get much from me- altogether, my earned income and trust distributions yearly are less than $100,000/year).”
“I would want to date men who are also financially literate, reasonably comfortable, and who live a similar lifestyle. I don’t want a man’s money, and I don’t want him to want mine; I just don’t want money to be a source of weirdness or emotional strain or conflict in a relationship.”
If I were her, I would refrain from telling a guy about the money until I had a ring on my finger, because it’s truly nobody’s business except for hers.
Telling a guy about the money puts her at risk for someone wanting to potentially use her for their own financial gain. I vote to keep this one a secret!
What advice do you have for her?
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By Bre Avery Zacharski
Hi, I'm Bre, Chip Chick's CEO! I have a degree in Textile/Surface Design from The Fashion Institute of Technology, and... More about Bre Avery Zacharski
