We often say things we don’t mean when we are pushed to our absolute mental and physical breaking points, and it’s easy to reach that when diagnosed with a chronic illness.
But there is a profound difference between a desperate cry for help and a calculated abandonment. When she requested a divorce, it was like she was waving a white flag after her husband seemingly punished her for her own fatigue that accompanied her sickness.
Would you want to remain married to someone who gave up on you as you tried to navigate living with a chronic illness, and do you think you would have any remorse for choosing to leave them to focus on your health?
This 32-year-old woman recently asked her 39-year-old husband for a divorce, but now she completely regrets it and is scared she’s made a colossal mistake that she’s going to feel guilty over for the rest of her days.
Now, before she became ill, she and her husband were madly in love, but of course, their marriage wasn’t without issues because that’s not realistic, is it?
Three years ago, she was diagnosed with a chronic illness, and her life fell apart overnight. She lost her friends and her job.
“This illness is not terminal; it causes physical and mental fatigue and limits what I can do, but I still enjoy life when I can, and there is a real chance I could improve. People do recover,” she explained.
“My husband tried to take care of me, but resentment built quickly. He still expected me to cook and clean (which are the main home chores I need help with) even when it worsened my symptoms, and over time, he became more irritable and distant.”
“As it became clear my illness might be long-term, the issue of children became central. He wants biological kids and doesn’t want to adopt, and I may not be able to have children. He also made new religious friends who encouraged him to marry someone healthy and that he deserved more, and his mom (he’s an only child) sent mixed messages about grandchildren.”
Sign up for Chip Chick’s newsletter and get stories like this delivered to your inbox.
She and her husband went months on end, arguing about who should complete what chore, among other things, and it slowly dawned on her that her husband wasn’t able to help care for her.
She was so stressed out that it exacerbated her illness, and her psychologist said she had to move in with her mom and dad, who live in a different country.
So, a year ago, her parents signed up to be her primary caretakers. Her husband dropped by to see her on occasion, but not living in the same country definitely strained their marriage further.
“He asked for a six-month break and promised to move closer to me afterwards, but instead told me he was moving to another country for a new job,” she said.
“By then, I was mostly housebound and wheelchair-bound. He said he still loved me and had hope, but I felt numb and abandoned and pushed for [a] divorce.”
They decided to push the divorce off, and they stopped speaking to one another entirely. But a week ago, her husband reached out to say he’s moving to a separate continent and he would like to resume the divorce, as otherwise, it would be selfish.
They have talked to a lawyer yet again about this, but she is on a downward spiral currently as she replays in her mind all of the things that happened while blaming herself for the death of her marriage.
She can’t quite figure out if she failed her husband or if she demanded too much from him. Anyway, she’s left thinking of how nice their life could have been.
“I am regretting initiating it. I am having mixed thoughts. I am sick to my stomach, not being able to sleep or eat. I’m also terrified of ending up alone and sick forever, even though I know that isn’t the only possible future,” she continued.
“I don’t know if I’m looking for advice or just reassurance that I’m not completely ruining my life.”
I think she’s just grieving what she had or the man she thought she was married to, but it’s horrible that her husband wasn’t sympathetic or supportive as she’s been battling an illness.
She should accept the divorce and never look back. This man never tried to fight for her or their marriage in the first place, so he’s worth letting go.
What do you think?
By Bre Avery Zacharski
Hi, I'm Bre, Chip Chick's CEO! I have a degree in Textile/Surface Design from The Fashion Institute of Technology, and... More about Bre Avery Zacharski
