What would you do if you broke up with somebody, and then their new partner decided to reach out to you, wanting to trauma dump and get your advice? Would you block them ASAP, or try to help them?
Three years ago, this 41-year-old woman dated her 46-year-old ex-boyfriend for close to three years. They split up because her boyfriend struggled with boundaries, jealousy, and trying to control her every move.
Following their breakup, her ex kept on reaching out to her for 10 months in a row in ways that made her feel uneasy and stressed out.
A year ago (which is two years post-breakup), her ex’s new girlfriend sent her a message on Facebook, and she admitted some bizarre things.
“She said she was having trouble ‘decoding’ his behavior and told me that he frequently talked about me and compared her to me. Through his posts and mutual Facebook contacts, she realized we had previously dated,” she explained.
“We video chatted for about an hour, and she was extremely upset and crying. She told me they had only been dating a few months, but she was already at her wits’ end.”
“I encouraged her to leave the relationship, but she said she wanted to ‘make it work,’ because she felt he was her ‘last chance.’ After that, she began requesting video chats regularly to discuss his behavior and how she could help him work through childhood trauma.”
She didn’t get on any more video calls with her ex’s girlfriend, and she began having insane nightmares about her ex. She finally told her ex’s girlfriend that talking about him was a trigger, and she filled her in on some of the alarming things he did after they broke up.
Her ex’s girlfriend wasn’t that worried, and actually steered the conversation towards wanting to know if she thought he was her soulmate or wanted to win him back in secret.
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She informed her ex’s girlfriend that she was not interested in her ex, nor was she going to keep playing therapist to her with their chats.
“She later sent long messages describing how he treated her badly, isolated her from friends and family, and treated her like a maid,” she said.
“I advised her again to leave the relationship. The messages stopped for several months, but she later reached out again, more distraught, and I learned she was now living with him.”
“I reiterated that I was not her therapist and did not want to be contacted about their relationship issues. She has continued messaging me since, and while I feel guilty because she may be experiencing the same behavior I did, the continued contact has been emotionally harmful for me.”
She’s no longer responding, but she hasn’t felt the need to hit that block button just yet. She’s left wondering if she’s a jerk for ignoring her ex’s girlfriend.
This is completely insane and toxic to me. She needs to hurry up and block her ex’s girlfriend! Who the heck acts like this?! I can’t believe she was nice enough to reply in the first place, but enough is enough. She is not this girl’s therapist.
What do you think?
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By Bre Avery Zacharski
Hi, I'm Bre, Chip Chick's CEO! I have a degree in Textile/Surface Design from The Fashion Institute of Technology, and... More about Bre Avery Zacharski
