Getting involved with people who are still married is a tricky thing, because what’s stopping them from lying to you about getting a divorce?
This man spent nearly five years with a woman, thinking he was the only man in her life. From the get-go, she mentioned that she was getting separated from her husband and reassured him that her marriage was over.
She addressed getting a divorce and said he was the man she had always dreamed of. She called him her soulmate and showered him with praise.
“I believed her. I did not enter this thinking I was going to be someone’s hidden affair partner. I thought I was falling in love with someone who was leaving a dead marriage and building a real future with me,” he explained.
As the years wore on, the divorce never came, and she remained married while keeping him a secret. She would spend half of her evenings at his house or her sister’s, and the rest of her nights were with her husband.
She would always give him reasons as to why she couldn’t make her divorce official, but she promised to wrap it all up shortly so they could truly be together.
She absolutely strung him along, while he gave her everything he had to give. He was all in on her. He wanted to build a house with her and help her child.
“I begged her for the life she kept promising we would have and that she promised she wanted too. I begged her to choose me, to finally move forward, to make it real,” he said.
“She would make me believe we were heading there. She would talk like I was her future, her soulmate, the only man she could ever want. But then nothing actually changed. The real-life commitment never came.”
Sign up for Chip Chick’s newsletter and get stories like this delivered to your inbox.
“She made me feel desired in a way I had never really felt before. She was my person. Every thought, fear, joke, work story, anxiety, hope I brought to her, and it was all okay just because she heard it and was there.”
However, he needed her more than she needed him. He became sad and anxious as he waited around for her to finally pick him completely, but it was a burden he could shoulder, as he had her by his side.
Unfortunately, she never did pick him in reality. While she allowed him to believe the life he pictured with her was coming soon, she wasn’t making moves in that direction.
If he pushed her to finalize the divorce, she would dump him, then come back a month or a week later, and he would vow not to put the pressure on her for the divorce. He did keep his whole life on hold for her.
“Eventually, I did understand in the back of my mind that the divorce was always something she talked about to keep me stuck, but not something she was really ever going to do,” he added.
“But it was too late, that was about 3.5 years in, and I was too deeply attached to her to leave. So I just tried to hope I would find the strength to let go, while I actually just stayed fully attached, knowing it was leading to my ruin.”
“Two weeks ago, she blindsided me with a breakup text and then blocked me on everything. I went into the deepest emotional crisis I’ve ever experienced. I feel like I lost my entire connection to the world. She was my everything, my only home in the world. I don’t have any support system whatsoever, no family at all.”
He’s grieving her, yet also in denial. He is aware she used him, led him on, and treated him like garbage. He now knows he was the secret affair partner all along; it just took him this long to see it.
I think he should reach out to this poor woman’s husband, because I bet that guy has no clue what his wife is really up to. He needs to focus on rebuilding his life without her, and she should try to find solace in the fact that she wasn’t who she said she was; she was nothing but a liar.
Oh, and he should block her, because she’s bound to come crawling back, and he should no longer put up with that anymore.
What advice do you have for him?
You can read the original post below.
By Bre Avery Zacharski
Hi, I'm Bre, Chip Chick's CEO! I have a degree in Textile/Surface Design from The Fashion Institute of Technology, and... More about Bre Avery Zacharski
