Sometimes I wonder if some people adopt a hot-and-cold attitude to test boundaries, see what they can get away with, and check if they’re forcing their partner to check out.
He’s married to a woman who is quickly about to end up disabled and wheelchair bound, and I suspect she’s been dragging up getting a divorce because she’s testing him and his loyalty.
This 59-year-old man has a wife the same age as him, and they have spent the last three decades married to one another. They do have kids, but they’re grown adults who have since moved out of the house, so it’s just the two of them at home.
Sadly, he says their marriage has come to an end in the romance department. They are best friends, and they do go through times that are fun, but that’s not always a given.
“Other periods make the Cold War feel like a summer breeze. There’s a very delicate balance between both, and I notice that it grows harder to accept that the romance is gone,” he explained.
“The most logical step would be a divorce, giving each of us the opportunity to build a new life and possibly find a new love. Sadly, there’s a very high chance my wife ends up disabled; wheelchair bound.”
“The symptoms pointing in that direction are picking up pace. It’s not a certainty, but well, the outlook isn’t all that good. Worst case, we’re looking at 2 years before she’s disabled.”
Honestly, he and his wife have simply grown apart. She frequently brings up getting divorced, but the very next day, she’ll talk about how great things are.
And, she clearly would like him to stay around in light of her health issues, so he’s not really willing to be the first to file for divorce.
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Additionally, they both are not interested in opening up their marriage, so he believes they have limited options for what to do with their futures.
“On the one hand, I feel that both of us deserve a second chance [at] happiness and love, maybe for 20 or even 30 years. On the other hand, I can’t see myself walking away from my wife, as she might see her world crumbling,” he added.
“And I feel too much love for that. She’s very strong, but I can see that she’s also scared. Not unimportant, our combined incomes, while running 1 household, can provide her with a suitable home, transportation, and plenty of fun times.”
“Divorced, she would face a lot of extra challenges. I know that my wife, despite all the imperfections of our marriage, hopes I will stick by her, too.”
His plan is to hang in there and see how things go, but he’s concerned about the resentment growing between them. They have talked about all of this with a therapist at one point, but he’s still interested in outside input, especially since his wife thinks their money would be wasted on going to marriage counseling together.
Talk about a rock and a hard place! Marriage counseling or opening up the marriage does seem to be the best option if neither of them truly wants a divorce in their heart of hearts. And I worry that his wife is pushing him away because she’s scared of her prognosis.
But they’re going to have to come to some sort of compromise, otherwise none of this will work (and to be fair, their marriage is no longer working anyway).
I do think it’s admirable of him not to want to abandon his wife when she’s going through a tough time and for sticking to that whole in sickness or in health thing.
What advice do you have for him? Are you advocating for his divorce?
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By Bre Avery Zacharski
Hi, I'm Bre, Chip Chick's CEO! I have a degree in Textile/Surface Design from The Fashion Institute of Technology, and... More about Bre Avery Zacharski
