It takes a lot of nerve to emotionally cheat on a man, get divorced, and then come back years later asking for a financial bailout, doesn’t it?
Four years ago, this man and his wife got divorced after seven years of marriage, and they have a son together. Not long after getting married, his ex-wife went back to college full-time so she could complete her degree.
So he spent two years working and paying all of their bills so she could make school her priority. He also did basically all of their household chores throughout that period of time.
“I did not see this as some big sacrifice on my part. This is just what you’re supposed to do when you’re married. I never expected anything in return,” he explained.
“After she graduated, she was able to move into a better-paying job. Later in the marriage, I decided to pursue graduate school full-time. For the final three years of our marriage, the dynamic shifted.”
“My ex worked and covered most of our shared expenses while I focused entirely on my program. We also relied on my pre-marital savings during this time period.”
He eventually finished his degree and was able to walk into a new career field that paid him far more handsomely than the one he left.
He thought they were even, as they both pitched in and supported the other person. He ultimately discovered that his wife was emotionally cheating on him, and so he knew their marriage was over.
He called her out for it, and although she said sorry and said she would go to therapy, as she was interested in fixing their marriage, he filed for divorce.
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“I had lost all love and respect for her. She was pregnant at the time, so I insisted on a paternity test. She was deeply hurt by this, but really could not fight me on it. Our son is mine,” he added.
“Since the divorce, my career has taken off. I’m now financially comfortable with a level of stability and earning potential I did not have during the marriage.”
“My ex, on the other hand, is still working the same job she had before the divorce and says that inflation has made it harder for her to get ahead.”
He and his ex-wife share custody of their son, and he pays court-ordered child support, which means he has to pay for everything related to childcare and healthcare.
Since this went through the court, his ex-wife gets practically no cash to spend how she wants. Not too long ago, his ex-wife mentioned that she’s behind on her mortgage payments by two months, and she requested that he give her money to bail her out, since she supported him while they were still married.
He wanted to know why she needed his money, as she has had the exact same job since their divorce. His ex-wife blamed inflation and refused to give him more information.
His ex-wife has given birth to a little girl following their split, and her baby daddy is in another country and not helping her financially.
So, he’s convinced that’s why his ex-wife is broke. But anyway, his ex-wife argued that because she helped pay for his living expenses while he was in grad school, that negatively impacted her own finances and caused her to limit her upward mobility in her career.
She believes that since he’s reaping the rewards for years of her sacrificing, and she’s still struggling, he needs to do something about it.
“I told her I thought this interpretation of events was utterly ridiculous. Everything she did for me during the marriage, I did for her during the marriage,” he said.
“That does not translate into any ongoing obligation post-divorce. And I reminded her that until I went back to school, I did the bulk of the household tasks. I just had less time when I went back to school.”
“Additionally, in the divorce, she wanted to keep the house. Even though the court ruled I did not owe alimony and that I was entitled to my equity in the house, I gifted her my equity so that she could refinance and keep the house.”
He put his foot down and stated that he will not be giving his ex-wife any cash, aside from what he’s required to give their son, since he’s worked his heart out to get to where he is in life.
He doesn’t see why he should be obligated to support his ex-wife when they have been divorced for years.
Wow, how generous of him to have given his ex-wife his equity in their home. That’s going so far above and beyond I can’t believe it.
Did his ex-wife forget that or something? Or is she just trying to manipulate and take advantage? And I do agree with him that the fact that his ex-wife has to support her daughter alone is definitely why she’s hurting, but that’s not his circus, not his monkeys.
What advice do you have for him?
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By Bre Avery Zacharski
Hi, I'm Bre, Chip Chick's CEO! I have a degree in Textile/Surface Design from The Fashion Institute of Technology, and... More about Bre Avery Zacharski
