Can a relationship succeed when one person has an advanced degree, and the other one is functionally literate? With a great job and personality, is that enough for a man to bridge an education gap?
This woman met a 38-year-old man a bit less than a month ago, and they’ve been on two official dates and have casually hung out once.
He’s truly sweet, considerate, and treats her like a princess. However, while they were out on their second date, she picked up on him not being able to read, as he simply pointed at the menu and didn’t actually read it.
“I don’t want to sound shallow or judgmental, because he really does check so many of the boxes I’m looking for. But I’d be lying if I said this isn’t bothering me,” she explained.
“Education has always been important to me — I have a graduate degree, and he finished high school. I’m feeling conflicted. On one hand, I care more about character than credentials.”
“On the other, I can’t ignore that this feels like a significant gap, especially when I think long-term about communication, shared interests, and compatibility.”
She hasn’t outright asked him if he can read or not, as she would hate to humiliate such a great guy.
Any time he texts her, he uses terrible spelling and grammar, and she can tell he’s using talk-to-text, so that further has her wondering about how much he can comprehend in a written context.
Their text message exchanges are pretty rudimentary, so she suspects he can only read at a second-grade level or so. She doesn’t think he has dyslexia, as she was joking with him over a phone call and asked if he had medical issues, but he said no.
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“I think his difficulty with reading may have more to do with his upbringing. English is his first language, but he told me the neighborhood he grew up in didn’t value education,” she continued.
“In high school, he said students could graduate as long as they showed up to school. He works in the skilled trades, and when I asked if he went to trade school, he said no. He’s a carpenter and said he got into the union through someone he knew.”
Anyway, she’s really hung up on whether or not this man’s reading proficiency is a dealbreaker.
Honestly, she should just talk to him about it. She should be kind when she brings it up, but it can’t hurt, and it sounds like he does struggle with reading, so I’m sure he’s wondering about when to address the elephant in the room.
Since he has a good job and is capable of caring for himself, no, I don’t think it truly matters how well he can read, because he seems like he’s a catch.
Not everybody can read well, but you can still be a successful human being. I also know plenty of smart people who never went to college, and a slew of not-so-smart people who did. Education isn’t everything.
What do you think she should do?
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By Bre Avery Zacharski
Hi, I'm Bre, Chip Chick's CEO! I have a degree in Textile/Surface Design from The Fashion Institute of Technology, and... More about Bre Avery Zacharski
