An engagement ring is meant to symbolize a love that will not end, and the tradition is thought to have originated in ancient Egypt.
How would you feel if you were proposed to with an heirloom ring, only to have your partner’s mom make an off-putting comment about it? Would you still proudly wear the ring, or would you give it back?
This 28-year-old woman has spent the last three years with her 30-year-old fiancé, Dominic. Four months ago, Dominic proposed to her, and she said yes because, first of all, she’s in love with him, and second, he’s an amazing man.
Now, Dominic’s 58-year-old mom, Paulette, is a piece of work. While she’s not cruel, she just has no filter and says whatever it is she’s thinking in the moment. While Dominic isn’t bothered by that, she certainly is.
Anyway, the ring that Dominic proposed to her with is a family heirloom and belonged to his dad’s mom, who passed away four years ago.
“Dominic was really close to her. The ring is beautiful, an Art Deco setting with an oval diamond. When Dominic proposed with it, I was touched by the history behind it,” she explained.
“I knew what it meant to him. I felt like I was being trusted with something. Six weeks after we got engaged, Paulette and I had lunch just the two of us.”
“It was going well until she said that if anything doesn’t work out between Dominic and me, the ring should go back to the family. I tried to stay calm. Just said I understood about the sentimental value.”
After returning home, she filled Dominic in on what Paulette said to her over lunch. Dominic didn’t respond as she thought he would.
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Dominic simply stated that his mom is how she is and doesn’t mean for her directness to be insulting. She told Dominic that his mom made her feel like she was borrowing the engagement ring instead of being its rightful owner.
Dominic accused her of overanalyzing the situation, and they proceeded to spend an entire week discussing his mom’s reaction to the ring.
“He kept saying it was just his mom being his mom. I kept saying that wasn’t the point. The point was that the ring is a symbol, and when his mom said that, it changed what it symbolized to me,” she clarified.
“Then I did something that might have been a bad idea. I took the ring off, put it in the box, and gave it back to Paulette. I told her I’d been thinking about what she said. I agreed that the ring belonged in her family.”
“I said I’d rather Dominic give it to me himself without any conditions. If he wants to do that, I’ll wear it proudly. Paulette looked surprised, then said that wasn’t what she meant. I said I understood. That’s how it felt to me. I hoped she could understand my perspective.”
Well, Dominic was furious with her for giving the ring back to Paulette. Dominic said she embarrassed his mom and made her feel awful.
She reminded Dominic that his mom’s words deeply hurt her, and he argued that she should have picked a different way to deal with her feelings.
She pointed out to Dominic that she had attempted to discuss the matter with him, and all he did was routinely dismiss her. It has been several weeks since she returned her engagement ring, and it’s still in Paulette’s possession.
“Dominic and I are still engaged. Things are tense. Paulette sent me a text saying she wants the best for both of us. I’m not sure what to make of it,” she continued.
“My best friend thinks I was right. It was a powerful move. My mom thinks I should have handled it quietly. My therapist just made a face. Said let’s talk about it.”
“I don’t think I wanted to cause problems. I just wanted to be taken [seriously]. I’m not sure if my method was right, though.”
I get why she returned the ring, and I think there is one way to easily solve that: talk to Dominic about buying her a new ring that she can feel is actually her possession and not something borrowed.
This goes beyond just the ring. Dominic is dismissing her feelings, and that’s a big problem. If he can manage to understand her position, this relationship isn’t doomed. But if he can’t, I’m not sure how she can marry him.
Do you think she messed up by returning the ring to Dominic’s mom after the comments she made about it?
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By Bre Avery Zacharski
Hi, I'm Bre, Chip Chick's CEO! I have a degree in Textile/Surface Design from The Fashion Institute of Technology, and... More about Bre Avery Zacharski
