You would think that before having a baby with a man who isn’t a first-time parent, a woman would have some idea of what kind of father they are, or if they’re a deadbeat dad. Then, armed with that information, you would expect a woman to choose wisely, because history is bound to repeat itself.
This 17-year-old man’s dad is not great, and he grew up with his mom having full custody of him. He was required to see his dad one day each month, and it’s been like that since he can remember.
His mom did attempt to cut off visitation, only to have the judge say it must go on until he turns 18 in October, since his dad never missed a day.
His dad has dated a number of women throughout the years and has three other children aside from him. His mom was given the opportunity to let them all bond, but he has never been interested in getting to know his siblings, so his mom didn’t push him.
“Those kids are raised by different guys their moms are married to, so dad pays no child support or anything for them, and he owes mom a ton of money too, but she won’t tell me the exact amount until I’m 18,” he explained.
“My dad has a new girlfriend now, and she’s pregnant. She only knew about me, and every time I was at his house, she could not understand my lack of interest in her pregnancy and her baby.”
“She invited me [to go] baby shopping with her a few times, and she asked if I wanted to go to see a special scan of the baby, and it genuinely shocked her that I didn’t accept the offer for any of it.”
A week ago, his dad’s girlfriend questioned him about why he wasn’t excited about being a big brother. She mentioned she thought he would be overjoyed to have a sibling after so many years spent alone.
He informed his dad’s girlfriend that her baby is not the first kid his dad has gone on to have with another woman. He went on to say he’s not involved in the lives of those kids, and he’s sticking to that for when her baby arrives.
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He couldn’t have made it clearer to her that he won’t wake up one day and want to be invested.
“I told her I consider myself an only child, and that is not changing because he knocks up women at random. She got very upset and wanted to believe I was lying, but I convinced her,” he added.
“Then she asked why I care so little because I could have lifelong relationships with them all. She said it was so sad, and she started to cry, and she said she wanted so much better for her baby. I told her she picked the wrong guy to have that with.”
“She locked herself in the room the rest of the time I was there, and before I went home, my dad tried to get me to apologize, but I said no. His girlfriend texted my mom a few days ago and said she wanted an apology and to hear I would actually try to be a good brother to her child.”
His mom didn’t bother giving her a response, and he’s worried about the next time he goes to his dad’s house, because he’s going to have this thrown in his face all over again if his dad is still with his girlfriend in another month.
I can’t believe his dad’s girlfriend didn’t know about all the other kids. But, giving her the benefit of the doubt, you would think she would stop and wonder why he only sees his one kid she knows about one day a month, because that’s not a sign of a great dad, or someone worth having a kid with.
Also, I think he should boycott going to his dad’s house, because it’s very likely that if his dad takes this to court, by the time they get in front of a judge, he very well may be 18 and not required to go.
What advice do you have for him?
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By Bre Avery Zacharski
Hi, I'm Bre, Chip Chick's CEO! I have a degree in Textile/Surface Design from The Fashion Institute of Technology, and... More about Bre Avery Zacharski
