If your spouse had a one-night stand while on vacation and also cheated in their first marriage, would you be seeking to forgive them and move on?
This woman’s 45-year-old husband went on vacation to Mexico and had a one-night stand with a 23-year-old girl while there. He actually lied to this girl and said he was not married at all.
The following day, this girl tracked her husband down on Facebook. Although he gave her a fake name, her husband’s friend slept with this girl’s friend, who managed to figure out who he was.
One of those girls threatened to tell her the truth, so her husband fessed up before they could place a phone call to her.
“They ended up sending me a video that showed her face and him sleeping next to her. He said he got drunk and [slept with her], but while doing it, he felt bad, stopped, and just went to sleep,” she explained.
Their marriage has not been going that well lately, as she’s felt very checked out. She wasn’t even shocked when her husband owned up to sleeping with another girl, as he had cheated on his previous wife, so he has a pattern of this kind of behavior.
Her husband has shown his remorse and found a therapist. He is taking ownership of what he did, and meanwhile, she’s been doing a lot of self-reflecting.
She can see now that she is partially to blame for why their marriage has fallen apart so hard.
“He’s not excusing his actions on our situation, and he said he was just so lost in life and just didn’t even think. He’s asked me to reconsider leaving and said he’s willing to do anything to prove himself,” she added.
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“We have kids, and it’s been eating me alive to have to make them go through a divorce. I come from divorced parents, and I hated all the instability we had.”
“Not sure I could ever feel respect for him. The girl he slept with is 23 and a year younger than his oldest son. I see him [as] a creep, and I can’t get the image out of my head of the video I saw.”
In time, she’s certain that she can forgive her husband for the one-night stand, as she views all people as imperfect, particularly when alcohol is involved, but she won’t be able to forget about this for as long as she lives.
She would hate to be an older woman who’s irritated for remaining married to a man who cheated on her, but she doesn’t want to make her kids suffer for failing to make an effort to repair her marriage.
She’s left feeling adrift while wondering if her husband is showing that they can reconcile, or if she needs to move ahead without him.
I can see why she thinks her husband is accepting accountability for showing his remorse, but he already cheated in his first marriage, then went and did it all over again with her.
So no, that is not a changed man. A one-time mistake is a big issue, but two times is a habit. I also do not believe her husband’s account that he stopped hooking up with that girl in Mexico because he felt bad.
She shouldn’t resolve to stay in her marriage for her kids; she needs to think about what she really wants to do for herself and what she feels comfortable with.
What do you think?
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By Bre Avery Zacharski
Hi, I'm Bre, Chip Chick's CEO! I have a degree in Textile/Surface Design from The Fashion Institute of Technology, and... More about Bre Avery Zacharski
