When a marriage is built on the unspoken expectation that you’re supposed to carry the weight of four people, it’s hard to want to stay in it.
This 30-year-old woman has a 34-year-old husband, and they spent three years dating before tying the knot. From the start, her husband’s parents have lived with them.
A year ago, she burnt out entirely. Their household was running on her hard work. She was the one cleaning, cooking, and managing every little thing for her in-laws, who can do things yet choose not to.
She was worn down by her mother-in-law, especially because she’s very controlling. So, one day, she left. She packed her bags and got out of there, but not before having a blow-out fight with her husband.
She was over her husband and her in-laws, and spent eight months alone. Leaving her husband proved to be the highlight of her life.
“I slept properly for the first time in years. I traveled small trips, but they were completely mine. I cooked for myself, watched every show I had been putting off, [and] met new people who just knew me as me,” she explained.
“No in-laws, no household to manage, no one needing things from me constantly. I was myself again. lighter, happier, more relaxed. I remember thinking, ‘Wow, I actually really like this person. When did I stop being her?’ And then he came back.”
“Calls every day, long messages, showing up, saying everything I had spent years wanting to hear. I miss you, I’ve changed, it’ll be so different this time, please just come back. And I went back. Because I’m human and because years of love [don’t] just switch off even when part of you wishes it would.”
But weeks after returning to her husband, she was right back in the thick of it. The house hadn’t changed, and neither had her in-laws.
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She was thrown into cleaning, cooking, and doing all of the labor. Not a single person thanked her or noticed her efforts. Her husband refused to confront his mom for overstepping.
She no longer feels like her husband’s wife; she feels like his maid, working for him and his parents for free. However, she can’t actually be surprised by all of this, even though coming home is a huge mistake.
“The worst part is, I think I already knew. I knew deep down that nothing had actually changed. I went back anyway because I wanted so badly to believe it would be different this time,” she continued.
“I’m 30, no kids, one year into this marriage. I know what the obvious answer probably is. But I want to hear from people who have actually been through something like this. Did anyone go back and have it actually work out?”
“And if you left for good, how did you finally find the courage to do it when everyone around you acts [as if] you should just be grateful you have a marriage to come back to.”
She’s left wondering if she should stay or move out all over again. Oh, and her husband will not come with her, because he wants to spend the rest of his life living with his mom and dad.
I think she already is aware of what she has to do. She has to leave again, and this time it has to be for good. She will only be miserable if she stays.
Love is not enough to save this marriage.
What do you think she should do?
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By Bre Avery Zacharski
Hi, I'm Bre, Chip Chick's CEO! I have a degree in Textile/Surface Design from The Fashion Institute of Technology, and... More about Bre Avery Zacharski
