If you were married and caught feelings for someone other than your spouse, would you feel the need to disclose that to the other person, or do you think nothing good could come of that?
This woman is married, and her relationship is honestly amazing. Her husband is the love of her life. He’s thoughtful, sweet, and deeply committed to her.
Despite all of this, she has fallen in love with another man, and her husband has picked up on something being very off with her. She did downplay it and mentioned she’s only friends with this man.
But that’s not reality at all. She’s truly falling for this other man. She’s not thinking of leaving her husband, and she’s not interested in wrecking her marriage. She needs to deal with her feelings, and fast.
“Nothing physical has happened with the other person, and there has never been a confession, an explicit romantic conversation, or even direct flirting,” she explained.
They actually used to work together, but as of last year, that stopped happening, so they no longer see one another that frequently.
When they do cross paths, they stay out until midnight, chatting with one another for hours on end. And when they aren’t in person, they text and catch up through social media.
This man enjoys checking in on her; he recalls little details and has shown her efforts that come across as him caring for her. But it’s not like he’s seeking her affection in a romantic sense, and he’s respectful of her marriage.
She’s not sure where this other man stands and if he views their bond as strictly friendly or something more. She has thought that she’s squarely to blame for falling in love with him, as it’s not like he’s come onto her.
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“Still, the connection gives me just enough warmth and uncertainty that I can’t seem to detach from it. I already know the obvious advice: reduce contact, stop feeding the connection, create boundaries, [and] focus on my marriage,” she said.
“I know all that, at least intellectually. The problem is that I’m failing at the “actually doing it” part. Every small message from the other person resets me. Every kind gesture makes me feel attached again. I keep looking for meaning in the ambiguity.”
“For people who have been through something like this: how did you actually begin letting go? How did you find the motivation to stop? I also keep wondering whether I should tell the other person how I feel, because sometimes the uncertainty feels like the thing keeping me stuck.”
She does wonder if telling this man how she feels and seeing what he says back can help her let go. The scenarios she has been imagining have been eating her alive.
She’s not entirely sure if being honest with this man can help her find closure and freedom, or if it will result in destruction.
While her marriage might be amazing, she’s not a great wife at all. I only see one of two options working here: either she cuts contact with the man she’s in love with and stops speaking to him completely, or she does her husband a favor and exits their marriage.
At the very minimum, what she revealed counts as an emotional affair, and that’s unfair to her husband.
What advice do you have for her?
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By Bre Avery Zacharski
Hi, I'm Bre, Chip Chick's CEO! I have a degree in Textile/Surface Design from The Fashion Institute of Technology, and... More about Bre Avery Zacharski
